A Lesson In Dying
by Doodlewolf
Summary: Tsugaya Raika hasn't always been Tsugaya Raika, but she tries not to think about that. Instead she struggles with growing up in a world where learning to kill people is part of the school curriculum and her very existence changes everything. SI-type story. Will be OC's and Canon characters.
1. Lessons In Reincarnation

**Soooo, I've kind of been on a Naruto kick for the last couple of months and this is a little OC insert kind of thing that just sort of happened. Not sure how long it will run for, I seem to go through phases of liking different things! Might not be everyone's cup of tea, give it a go, see what you think. Read/review/follow/favourite as you see fit!**

 **Edit: I've updated this chapter a little bit. I've decided to write this in present tense instead of past so I'll be changing the format. Sorry!**

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Chapter One: Lessons in Reincarnation

.

Darkness comes first.

Then comes cold.

And finally the beating of a distant drum.

It's hard to tell the passage of time and if you ask her she can't give you an accurate answer; mainly because she doesn't know and a little bit because she's pretty sure she doesn't have a mouth at the moment. Or lips, or teeth, or a tongue, just a floating consciousness in the dark.

That isn't quite right either though.

More like a consciousness spread through the darkness, interwoven; shifting and flowing within it, like water in an underground stream that's never seen daylight, has no concept of anything other than darkness.

The drum beat pulses and she tries to keep time by it, to measure just how long she has spent here, wherever here is. It's impossible though, she can't count that high and even if she could she's pretty sure she would go insane long before the drum beat faded. Maybe she's past that point already.

Eventually – it feels like years, decades – eventually the cold becomes less and warmth seeps back into her bones. Bones wrapped in muscle, tendons, ligaments. Spidery veins that wrap themselves around and through, clusters of nerves, lumps of meat and skin all swirling together to create the gruesome cocktail of a human being. Her brain becomes one again, a physical thing that takes it's place within the cage of soft bone that forms her head, and she revels in the welcome heat after so long in the cold.

There is too much warmth, as it turns out. The darkness around her boils, hissing and spitting, a seething black cat that turns the smooth ebb of darkness around her into monstrous tsunamis that crash against her newly formed being. It pulls her and she feels like she's drowning, struggling to keep a hold of herself. She tries to fight against the tide, wanting the calm inky dark back – if this is what having a body is like she want's no part in it.

But the choice isn't hers and she knows something is happening. What that something is though, well, that's anyone's guess and quite frankly, only a higher power could have known what was coming.

There's an unfathomable amount of pressure squeezing from all sides, like going down a water slide that's too narrow and getting wedged half way down, minus the awful squeaking sounds of skin rubbing plastic. Water sluices around her, blocking out everything except the tight band around her, pressing, pressing, until suddenly it is gone.

Then there is light, and with the light comes chaos.

Eye blinding white and blurred shapes that don't clear no matter how many times she blinks her eyelids. There is noise. The sound of water, or blood pounding in her ears, relentless. Voices, chattering all at once, too quick, too strange to make out the words. She squints but it doesn't improve her vision, only helps filter the light into something more manageable.

Indistinct people flitter around, like ghosts at the edge of her vision and above her an unfamiliar face coos. She frowns at that – willing her face into a familiar expression that her eyebrows are too insubstantial to convey.

It's a man, she knows that much, though other than a few basic facial features -a strong jaw, and a nose that has been broken one too many times - it's hard to distinguish much. Colours are unreasonably hard to tell apart – his shirt looks orange, no red, wait is his hair blue? Grey eyes or light green, a pale blue? She can't tell. Doesn't care. Who is he? Why is she - the thought slips away unfinished.

He smiles at her though. Teeth straight and white, lips forming words that slip through the haze of her mind without registering. The words are alien, she tries to tell him that she doesn't understand, but the sound won't come. She feels like she's been without water too long, her throat constricting but making no noise.

It's hard to concentrate. Part of her mind, the part that whispers this is __wrong__ , so wrong, tells her this brain is too small to support all the things she knows. The other part, the newer part, is fighting the first half for it's need to sleep, and slowly gaining ground.

When the man above her moves, she moves with him and the other figures in the room fade out, unimportant. There is a moment of being passed and suddenly the face changes to a woman, with sweat soaked skin and dishevelled hair that looks blonde but might be grey and a smile that blazes like a miniature sun. Warm and radient.

The woman says something, too fast and in an language that stirs memories that can't be placed, her green eyes shimmering with unshed tears. More thoughts churn and fall away, too much to process. She lets them go, not important, and tries to keep her eyes from closing.

She is lifted, feels soft lips pressing against softer, newer skin then is cradled securely against a chest that cages a familiar rhythm. It shouldn't make her feel better, but it does. Thumping in time with the beat of her own small heart it's almost like being back in the darkness, like being home. Familiar and comfortable. That thought jars her and her mind shies away.

Things aren't how they were supposed to be, far from it, and god how has it even happened? Is it a dream – a nightmare? Her head aches with thoughts too big for it, so she pulls back, lets the other half take over and win it's battle for sleep.

She closes her eyes, and if the darkness isn't quite as complete, and the drum beat not nearly as loud as it had been, it is close enough. It feels like safety, and she welcomes it.

...

Time merges much like it did in the darkness, though it is chaotic and overwhelming without the drum beat to centre her. Full weeks pass before she manages to calm down and piece things together, around the headaches and the tiredness that crops up out of nowhere - from simply existing and growing - to drag her into impromptu naps and the blissful nothing of unconsciousness. She lets it come now, doesn't fight it like she did at first, napping isn't so bad when she considers her reality.

She is a child again, a baby, and how did that happened?-

 _ _A starless sky and a dark road, icy wind hissing through leaf-bare trees and cold rain slicking the tarmac__

\- So she is a baby – not herself as a baby though, oh no, that would be too simple. She is someone __else__ as a baby.

Only that isn't quite right either because she still has some very vivid memories of a life half lived already. She is pretty sure she is a thirty year old woman with a job and a house and a couple of cats that she desperately hopes someone, somewhere is feeding.

At least she feels like she is, if her thirty year old body had been unable to do anything for itself at least.

She isn't used to being dependant on other people, especially not these strangers. They feed her, clothe her, bathe her – hell they even wipe her arse for her, and damn if that isn't the most awkward and embarrassing thing in the world.

Solemnly she vows to never take bowel control for granted ever again, if only she can be the one to clean up her own messes.

So a baby and an adult. Herself on the inside and someone else on the outside, in a body too weak to do anything for itself, in a world where everyone speaks a language she doesn't understand and the only two people she has contact with are strangers who do everything for her, even when she doesn't want them to.

It is both __frustrating__ and __terrifying__.

Nothing makes sense and the more she thinks about it the more it feels like her tiny head is going to crack open and decorate her cot like a Jackson Pollock painting. So for the first few whirlwind months of her new life she lets instinct take control. Lets the baby deal with the baby stuff while the adult closes it's eyes and sticks it's fingers in it's ears to block out the weird world around it.

It works, for the most part.

Weeks turn to months and she learns a word, repeated over and over in a hundred different ways but always with a reverence it doesn't deserve. She hears it spoken though smiling lips when the blue haired man lifts her from her cot in the mornings and in tender whispers as the green eyed woman rocks her to sleep. When the headaches become too much and she cries they soothe her with it, chanting it like a mantra between the __shh-shh-shh's__ , and when she wakes them in the night with her screams, quivering with terror from things she shouldn't remember, they rumble it tiredly.

The word is Raika, and it is her name.

They have names too; guardians, caregivers, parents. Though not the parents she remembers.

She remembers –

 _W_ _ _indscreen wipers working furiously and the electric blue glow of the radio display. One hand on the wheel, the other reaching behind the seat, groping blindly for__

 _-_ Her new parents are strange people, with their rapid nonsensical speech and their weird sense of dress.

There are no brands; no Nike, no Lacoste or Superdry. The only thing she has seen that resembles logo's are the reoccurring swirls that adorns most of her parents sleeves and the odd little squiggle that is engraved into the metal plate and bandanna combo her mother occasionally wears around her neck.

They don't wear hoodies or jeans, there aren't any suits or ties or joggers in their wardrobes. Instead they clad themselves in nondescript blues and greys with an over abundance of bandages for two people in perfectly good health, along with green vests that niggle something at the back of her mind.

Her mother has impossibly green eyes that seem to draw in light and make them sparkle when she laughs, a high clear sound like bells ringing. She has dimples, delicate hands, skin like porcelain and a scar that wraps around her throat like a macabre necklace.

Her father is darker, with tanned weather beaten skin and laughter lines around eyes that swirl like liquid silver. He is hard muscle and soft smiles, gentle hands with strong fingers criss crossed with pale lines.

Their names are Hikari and Mugen, respectively, and for the first year of Raika's life they are all she knows.

Well, them and the cat.

The cat is not a constant in her life, not like her parents.

It simply turns up every now and then, sometimes scaring the shit out of her when she wakes up to find intelligent amber eyes watching from behind the bars of her cot, other times appearing while she rolls around on the floor, trying to make her wayward limbs respond in the way she wants them to. A fluffy guardian of unknown origin.

The cat never makes noise. She has never heard it meow, or hiss. Doesn't even hear the soft pad of kitty feet on the wooden floor that would have heralded the arrival or any normal feline.

Mugen and Hikari call the big orange tom Hotaru, which means little and less to Raika except that she has learnt another name.

Hotaru is smart, beyond the intelligence of a normal cat.

He never gets close enough for her small, uncoordinated fingers to grab a handful of fluffy orange fur or the weird blue bandana he wears around his neck. If she is reaching for something – a toy, or dummy – he will bat them towards her. Whenever she poops, he leaves the room, and does not return until everything is safe.

He stays out of reach but is always within bounding distance. There is one time when he accidentally manages to hook his claws into her shirt, just in time to stop her from rolling off the bed -betrayed by her own weak limbs - before her father can catch her.

It is at that moment that she decides there is something not quite right about their family pet, beyond is apparent ability to respond to her needs. This feeling is quickly proved correct and turns Raika's already weird and impossible new life upside down.

Hotaru – the cat – speaks.

Not that she has a fucking clue what he says, but he opens his mouth and very deliberately forms words – the same too quick gibberish her parents use. Not a purr, or a hiss, or a meow. A fully formed, perfectly clear sentence that makes her father laugh sheepishly and scratch the back of his head as he returns Raika to more stable ground.

At five months and twelve days old Raika entertains the idea that she has in fact gone insane, and that this entire situation is a figment of her broken mind.

Cat's don't talk – but then again adults don't become babies either, so who is she to judge what is normal?

Still, it gives her pause.

Raika knows, deep down at the centre of her being that something unnatural has happened to her. She has never been big on religion, not in this life nor in the previous one though she knew the concepts of reincarnation, but at no point in any of the texts she'd read had it mentioned being re-born in a world where animals __talked__ _._ That didn't happen. Reincarnation __didn't__ happen. Which left her with the question of what the fuck _had_ happened?

Something squirms inside of her.

There is something about this place, something familiar that her brain is having trouble processing. The answers are there, hovering at the back of her mind like a skittish hummingbird, always flittering just out of reach. It's feels like trying to catch smoke, as soon as the thoughts surface it's gone again, pushed away by some invisible hand. Raika tries to think back, to recall the memory when -

 _ _A glance into the back seat. Black ice and an approaching curve, eyes off the road for only a second__

\- Mugen picks her up when she starts crying, the talking cat momentarily forgotten as he pulls her close and murmurs soothing things in her ear while she hiccups and carefully __doesn't__ think about anything. She lets the infant part of her mind take full control and tries to ignore the fluttering of thoughts in her head.

...

At the age of nine months Raika finally receives confirmation that, not only has she somehow slipped through the spiritual cracks of the universe and dropped her consciousness into the body of an infant, but also into a different world entirely. She had suspicions, sure, many of them, in fact. Half formed theories that make the headaches too strong so remained unfinished thoughts, to be poked and prodded at at a later date.

None of these sort-of ideas really prepare her for the truth though.

Her eyesight has, thankfully, cleared up wonderfully over the last few months and so when Hikari bundles Raika up against her will and takes her outside into the big wide world to do some shopping, she can hardly miss the carved stone faces chiselled into the mountainside behind the village, peering down at the citizens with stern expressions.

On the one hand, a lot of things that have been bugging her now make sense – the language barrier, the odd symbols, the talking cat, the strange inclination to bandage wraps and net clothing. It's even a little embarrassing that it's taken so long to figure out, considering the clues, but Raika decides it's quite literally anyone's fault but her own. Her brain has been scrambled, reformed and dumped unceremoniously into a the body of a baby, and that's a pretty good excuse, if she does say so herself.

On the other though, it raises more questions.

How, being the main one. It isn't possible. There is no logical way to explain it, probably not even a very good spiritual way either. Things like this don't happen outside of fanfiction and fantasy novels – and yet...

Raika looks up at the stone faces once more, her baby features scrunching up in confusion and more than a little denial as Hikari hums tunelessly, oblivious to her daughters impossible circumstances.

There is only one place those faces belong. One familiar place, though no where she'd ever been before - and that was in the Naruto-Verse. Manga or anime it doesn't matter, it isn't real and she certainly isn't supposed to be involved with it.

Raika swallows around the infant instinct to cry and instead lets the adult part of her brain sum up the feelings of disbelief, horror and confusion she feels with one thought; Oh __shit__.

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 **Awkward entering the world chapter out of the way, growing up in the Naruto-verse soon to come! Thanks for reading. Much love.**


	2. Lessons in Weird

**Many thanks to the couple of people who reviewed and those of you who followed/faved! Seriously, thank you! Still in the early stages here, but more interesting things to come, I promise! Fair warning, this story is going to have blood and gore in it at a later point, but for the moment there is some vague and not so vague references to car crashes. I personally don't think they're too bad but I've never been in one. Just so you know.**

 **Give it a read and lemme know what you think!**

 **Edit: Once again, changing format, sorry!**

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Chapter Two: Lessons in Weird

.

Hikari and Mugen worry about their daughter during the early stages of her life. Raika isn't like their friends children. Not as smiley, or as playful. She's barely verbal and she has a stare that can rival the head of Konoha's torture and interrogation division for intensity.

They are nice enough that they never mention it, but everyone knows. Even her. Especially her.

Raika is a _weird_ kid.

She was always going to be a weird kid though. There's no way a person could -

 _Fingers clenched, knuckles white on the steering wheel like bars of ivory, eyes wide as the back of the car spins sideways, out of control_

-Well she's an adult mind crammed into a infants body. Raika figures that's bound to fuck something up.

On the positive side; she _knows_ everything already. Crawling, walking, talking, been there and done that. Reading, writing, geography and history, all mastered many years ago. She's studied mathematics and the sciences at university level and then gone on to get a job in engineering.

Yet despite all these positives there is only one negative, but it's a big one. All the things she knows, all the things she's learned don't mean a thing in this world.

Sure, she knows that eventually the maths and science will come back into play, things can't be that much different here despite the fact that _here_ includes ninja and monsters. Addition is still addition, gravity is still a thing, people still do a lot of dumb shit and for the most part things are the same.

Although Raika concedes that the physics of the world are at least a little squiffy, what with all the crazy space-time ninjutsu and elemental techniques the shinobi of the Naruto-verse can throw around. That's certainly intriguing, something she wants a chance to take a look at - but there are other more pressing things first, like getting out of diapers.

Geography is a complete write-off. She might as well scrub all knowledge of that from her mind, along with the thousand odd years of history she had been forced to learn in school. Useless now, and more than likely to get muddled with whatever she learns here and thoroughly embarrass her at a later point in time. Not that she's ever needed help embarrassing herself before now.

The worst part, however, is the talking, or lack there of.

Raika has never been good at languages. Shit, really.

A handful of garbled French and just enough Spanish for _la cuenta por favor_ , which is only a little less helpful here than it had been at home.

She's always hated submersive learning, where you either understood or spent the entire lesson staring blankly at the teacher while wondering what the hell is going on.

And now it's her life.

If not for the success Raika has shown with potty training Mugen and Hikari might have thought she had learning difficulties – but while she might not have shown any talent with speaking Japanese, Raika could happily say she is the youngest child in Konoha history to master wiping their own ass.

Not necessarily the most prestigious achievement to boast about, but the two older Tsugaya's are going to have to learn to take what they can get when it comes to their progeny.

As it is it takes almost a year and a half before Raika can _understand_ what is being said to her, struggling at first because the adult part of her brain is always trying to equate the Japanese to it's English counterpart. Of course the sentences are structured differently, and isn't that a pain in the ass? But even though she's aware of that fact it's endlessly frustrating to not be able to grasp it, even more so when it limits the way she interacts with the outside world.

The headaches don't really help either.

Eventually she realises she can let the English (and now irrelevant) speaking part of her brain take a back seat while her infant mind does it's thing and puzzles out the whole mess for her. It takes a while but finally something clicks and her baby brain begins soaking up the world around it like a pulsating grey sponge. Raika is just past two before she actually says her first intentionally coherent word in Japanese – much to the collective joy (and relief) of her new parents.

Another worry for her new parents are the long periods of silence Raika goes though, that aren't related to her lack of conversational skills. It takes a lot of energy for her to actively switch between the part of her that runs on instinct and the part of her that is constantly thinking and analysing. She hopes that at some point the two halves can become one, but at the moment she has to pick between the two; reflex or control. The child in her is better at learning, at adapting and improvising. The adult knows already, makes decisions based on experience and not impulsive desire.

The adult also has a bit of a swearing problem that needs to be kept under wraps - Raika isn't sure what effect a two year old who stubs their toe on a table leg and then proceeds to curse a blue streak at the offending furniture will have on whoever witnesses it, but she doesn't think it will be good. Hilarious probably, but not good.

Sometimes she can be both, but only for a short while. Raika guesses the older she gets the easier it will become, as her body catches up with the mind inhabiting it, but in truth she doesn't know.

The headaches are never ending in her first and second years, but are finally starting to fade off after she passes thirty months. Though they return with a vengeance whenever she thinks about overly complicated matters or tries to keep both parts of her brain active at the same time.

She sometimes sits for hours just picking idly at the fabric of her clothes while sifting through her thoughts, trying to keep everything in order. Other times she does it because there are a lot of loose threads on one of her dresses and it's damn annoying. Still -poorly stitched garments aside - memories are the hardest to get her head around.

Raika remembers most things without trouble. Her schooling for one is easily accessible, at the forefront of her mind and in her opinion a large chunk of why her head hurts so much all the damn time. Thirty years of experience stuffed into a box only fit to hold two and a half years worth is always going to cause trouble. A kid doesn't need to be able to recite Pi to a hundred decimal places or know how to correctly predict the trajectory of a object based on it's speed and weight - yet pointlessly, she can.

Everyday tasks like dressing herself and how to brush her teeth are still there, along with less useful information like the words to every Fall Out Boy song she's ever heard, the recollection of an unhealthy number of memes and the plot to an old anime she used to – oh wait. Never mind. That one is probably going to come in handy at some point...

More personal memories however are harder.

Anything about the family she had left behind or of how she had -

 _Tyres screeching, trying to gain traction on the ice slicked road. The sickening crunch of metal on metal_

-It's hard to think about much as it is, so she just doesn't. Very carefully avoids the thoughts that leave her empty. She can't control them. Doesn't know when they will strike or what -other than general thoughts of before – will trigger them. They just drag at her and hold for a few mind numbing seconds before the world rushes back in with an overwhelming roar of sound and colour.

She loses time. Mostly only for a few seconds. Half a breath and she's back, blinking the darkness out of her eyes. Occasionally though it takes longer to return to herself; half a minute, a minute, two, three. Sometimes people notice - her parents mostly - and sometimes they don't. She tries to just carry on with her day, like it's normal to freeze in place for a few seconds before jerking back to life like a malfunctioning robot. Just a kid, doing kid stuff. Nothing to see here folks.

So Raika is understandably strange -though only understandable to her- and she has a childhood that reflects that.

Once she starts to get a handle on the native tongue she drifts between talking constantly – a stream of endless babble that trips itself up on the way out of her mouth - and losing herself in thought. Very careful thought otherwise -

 _Weightlessness for one second, two seconds. The song on the radio mixing in dissident harmony with a terrified scream cut short when_

 _-_ And running.

God she loves running.

It has taken far longer than she'd have liked to get her stubby limbs to bare her weight and she's had to suffer through the arduous process of crawling before she can walk, and walking before she can attempt a stumbling run. But she does it. Movement is independence. Not needing to be carried, not having your destination dictated by someone else. It's freedom and she grabs onto it with both her pudgy little hands with no intention of letting go.

But freedom comes at a price, and that price is badly scraped knees and palms from too many slips and trips. Balance is hard and maybe she pushes a little too hard, a little too fast. Always wanting more.

The other children she interacts with -and interacts is probably too strong a word to use, more spends time in the general vicinity of- are more wobbly on their feet, they don't want to run as fast or as far. They don't like falling over. Don't want to get too far from their parents. They don't keep up.

And she isn't interested in them.

Instead Raika spends most of her early years playing with the kittens Hotaru brings with him.

He's a summons, as she later finds out -though she's had her suspicions ever since the first time she heard him speak - and a grumpy one at that. He complains loudly whenever he's bought forth to find Raika's grinning face instead of an actual mission, though he probably considers her much more taxing. She's not sure he's wrong.

So he brings the kittens as a distraction, and Raika is unashamed to say it works very well.

She's always liked cats. These ones don't have names and can't speak yet, but they are fast and soft and warm and they don't care that her pronunciation is a little off, that her accent is a little peculiar, or her sentences a little mixed up. They remind her of two little fuzzballs that used to sleep on the end of her bed for -

 _An air bag deployed too late. Pressure across her chest, the snap of a whip_

 _-_ They mewl around her ankles and chase her round the gardens of the Tsugaya house, falling and tripping as much as she does but always springing back up. The child in her delights at their play and even the adult is okay with it because who doesn't like kittens?

They keep her moving, and to her that is more of a blessing than the mental stimulation she could have received from other children. As far as Raika is concerned there's enough going on in her head as it is.

...

It is some time after her third birthday that Raika awakes to the most horrible sensation she has felt to date, aside from being re-born and -

 _Glass shattering, scraping skin, splintering into flesh and burrowing deep, deeper. The echoing crash and jolt before_

\- Her skin tingles. Her bones itch. There is a strange pressing feeling in her chest that has never been there before, like a weight pushing down, only from the inside out. She scratches everywhere she can reach and still the feeling persists.

Thoroughly perplexed and a little weirded out she seeks the presence of her father, who is showing off by doing one handed push ups in the courtyard at the centre of the Tsugaya house. His breath stirring the dirt on the ground each time he dips down, counting.

Hikari is off on an escort mission, from what Raika has been able to tell from her eavesdropping – which is annoying, since her mother gives better explanations than her father does – more patronising explanations but still better.

"Dada," She calls, getting his attention instantly, "I feel funny."

"What's wrong kit?" Mugen asks, a frown on his face as he pushes to his feet and comes over to where she is standing on the wooden walkway that surrounds the courtyard.

"Itchy." Raika tells him simply, knowing she doesn't have the vocabulary necessary to accurately describe what she is experiencing. She scratches her forearm in demonstration and continues to frown. How does one put into words the feeling of a hundred bees travelling under the surface of their skin, if the bees are actually tiny lightning bolts that have been marinated in red bull and set on fire? Hmm.

Mugen squats down in front of her and takes her arm to examine it, turning it this way and that to try and spot the cause of her irritation. There are no bites or lumps on her skin to explain the itch, just the four red marks Raika's nails have made after she's scraped them across her forearm. After a second he lets out a huff and presses a hand to her childish pot-belly, releasing a swirl of his own chakra against her skin which causes her to squirm and make her teeth bounce against each other.

Then he sits back on his heels with a small smile on his lips. "It's chakra, kit," He tells her with a chuckle "Your chakra coils are opening."

"Don't like it." Raika says, wriggling her shoulders to try and get rid of the sensation of something crawling down her back, grimacing as she does so.

'Don't like it' is an understatement. It feels unnatural. Like the time she had seen that picture of a mouse with a human ear growing on it's back in science class, except this time Raika is the mouse and the ear is a thousand fire ants tunnelling through her nervous system.

Mugen laughs. He stands up, hooking his hands under Raika's arm pits as he does so, then swings her up into the air and settles her on his hip. "Don't worry, it won't last long," He assures her as he starts off across the courtyard, hopping silently back onto the walkway to enter the kitchen. "Here, how about I make you some breakfast to take your mind off it?"

Privately Raika thinks that a little cereal isn't likely to pacify the prickling of her veins but she keeps that opinion to herself and hums an affirmative as her father deposits her at the table. Cereal can't _hurt_ the situation. Her stomach rumbles in agreement, "What's chakra?"

"What's chakra? Well, it's a little hard to explain," Mugen tells her honestly, but carries on regardless. "I think the simplest way to to put it would be to say that chakra is something that lives inside your body and helps to keep you alive."

"Why?" She asks curiously.

From what Raika can remember from the anime, chakra is the life force of all things, a combination of spiritual and physical energy. Everyone has it, though not everyone can use it to it's fullest capacity, hence the division between ninja and civilian. It makes all the impossible things ninja do possible. Naruto's is blue while the Kyuubi's is orange and bubbly. Chakra exhaustion is bad, having lots is good, blah, blah, blah.

Oh, and that whole mess with the Rabbit Goddess. Can't forget that.

"It's.. uh, it's like blood. Remember when you cut your leg?" Mugen ventures, waving a hand as he tries to find an example she will understand. Raika nods, absently running her fingers over the spot on her knee she had cut open on the corner of a paving stone some months back. "Well your blood runs all through your body, it keeps it working and chakra does the same. Some people have more than others and they can become shinobi."

Raika nods again as if that all makes sense to her young mind – which it definitely wouldn't have if she hadn't already had a working knowledge of the human body and at least a basic grasp on chakra. Handy. "How for more?" She asks, then scrunches up her face because even she knows that's wrong.

"How for..," Mugen trails off, blinking in confusion. "Do you mean how come some people have more than others?"

Raika nods. Close enough.

"Chakra reserves grow naturally the older you get, but it can be increased with practice – the same as everything else," He informs Raika, setting a bowl down in front of her then dropping down into the space opposite. "Training your mind and body can increase the amount of chakra you have, understand?"

Raika nods again.

"But chakra can also be inherited. Since your mother and I are both ninja, we have higher levels of chakra than a civilian, and so your natural chakra reserves will be larger than that of a civilian childs." He tells her, then smiles because he doesn't think she is taking any of it in.

And why should he?

She can barely string a sentence together and here he is explaining the ins and outs of the mystical energy flowing through her body.

"Well it's probably a little early for you to be thinking about all that," Mugen says a moment later, confirming her thoughts. "Eat up."

Raika does as she's told, tucking into the cereal with gusto while her mind whirs with possibilities for the future.

There are two options.

The first is to simply let things play out the way they're supposed to. Ignore the pushing and pulling current of chakra running alongside her veins and settle herself into a civilian life. The technology of the Naruto-verse is murky at best, some nations more advanced than others, but with her knowledge she can develop all kinds of things and live a comfortable life. And by comfortable she means filthy stinking rich. It's the easiest thing to do. The _safest_ thing to do.

She'd lived all her life safe, right up until the moment -

 _Lying broken, half in and half out of the car. Cold earth against her cheek, warm blood dripping steadily down her face. The bite of glass and twisted metal around her stomach_

-Or option two. Become a ninja.

Her knowledge of the world before Naruto's birth is convoluted at best and the timelines never did really seem to add up. Still, the Yondaime's face has yet to be carved into the Hokage monument – which puts her somewhere in the area of the Third Great Shinobi war. Not the most desirable place in time to find yourself reborn, but Raika would have to work with what she had - which was very little, unfortunately.

Being a ninja will really up the chances of that _thing_ she purposely doesn't think about happening, doubly so when you throw in a war that even Genin have to participate in. Konoha has a lot of shit coming it's way, and maybe Raika won't live long enough to see it – but if she does – if by some miracle she survives, can she afford to be defenceless?

And who is she kidding – she wants to be a ninja. The ability to make walls of earth burst up out of the ground on command? The power to walk on water and move at impossible speeds? That would be awesome, amazing really.

But she's already experienced dyi-

 _Breath coming out in ragged wet gasps, little clouds of air dissipating as they leave her blood stained lips._

 _-_ "That must be some interesting cereal," Mugen concludes, the sound of his voice snapping Raika out of her thoughts and back to the present. Her father gives her a warm smile though his eyes are tight with worry. "Though it's probably soggy now, you've been staring at it for so long. Everything okay, kit?"

"Mmhm," Raika nods, pushing the bowl away from herself. He's right, the cereal has fused itself into one mushy lump in the bowl and looks a lot less appetizing now. "Chakra isn't nice."

"I know, but it will fade in a couple of days. Your body needs a bit of time to get used to it," Her father tells her as he gets to his feet and takes her partially eaten breakfast over to the sink. He returns and plants his hands on his hips, looking down at her with a slightly forced grin. "How about we go to the park? We haven't been there in a while, what do you say?"

She wants to say no.

The park is always full of kids. Kids that are younger than her yet can speak better. Kids that are older than her who question her strange pronunciation. Parents who notice both and point it out – because 'isn _'t that curious_?' And ' _where did she pick that up?'_ Or _'shouldn't she be speaking properly by now?'_

It's easiest to ignore them if she isn't around them. Still, Mugen desperately wants her to be a normal kid, and normal kids go to the park. They don't spend five minutes sitting in silence whilst trying to see the future in their quickly congealing breakfast cereal.

"Okay," She says, forcing a reluctant smile onto her face as she stands up. "Will you push me on the swing?"

…..

It is months after her chakra coils open that Raika decides to try her hand at manipulating the strange new energy circulating through her body. She's wanted to test it out before, but it seemed dangerous to try and use something so new and unknown. With her luck she'd probably end up opening the fourth circle of hell, or something equally as unpleasant.

But if she wants to be a ninja -which is becoming more and more appealing- then chakra control is something she'll need and since her attempts at learning to read are going disastrously – there is a dizzying amount of Kana and Kanji – she needs something else to occupy her time.

She racks her brains for chakra control exercises she had seen in the series that might be a good starting point – however the only things she can clearly recall are the tree climbing and water walking exercises team seven started during their stint in Wave.

While it might be fun to try climbing the walls like something out of The Exorcist, Raika is positive she doesn't have enough chakra in her body to even attempt it. So instead of sticking herself to something, she decides to try sticking something to herself instead.

The problem is what to stick, and to where? How does it work? She knows she has to try and direct chakra to the part of her body she wants to stick, but does she need to account for the weight of the object? The surface area? Starting small is obvious, but how small? A piece of paper, a leaf, a feather? Will the feather be easier than the leaf, because it's lighter? Or will the leaf be easier because it's more the more substantial?

In the end she picks neither, settling on a blade of grass. Lightweight, easy to come by and small enough that it won't kill her if it turns out she has even less chakra than she thinks she does. Easy, in theory.

Or, not so easy. Raika spends a good few days just attempting to move the chakra to her fingertips.

It's like trying to direct the flow of water, except she has nothing to channel it with and it doesn't care about gravity like normal water does. Whenever she pushes it the chakra seems to shoot off down a dozen different pathways at once, going all over the place like a kid squeezing a tube of paint with reckless abandon. Everywhere except where she wants it to go. Shockingly.

After a week of frustrated napping -even though she hasn't been able to get the chakra to go in the right direction it's still an exhausting process - Raika finally realises the problem.

She keeps trying to pull chakra directly from her centre, where her reserves seem to be situated, only to lose most of it on the way to her fingers as it spirals out through her body. But Mugen had said the chakra system was similar to blood vessels and she knows a little about the chakra pathways and tenketsu points thanks to the animes explanation of the Hyuga's abilities – which means it's already circulating around her body. There is no need to push it all the way from her core to her extremities if it's already going there on it's own.

With this in mind she tries focusing her will on the chakra already flowing to her fingers, pushing it experimentally to the tips till they began to feel fuzzy, like pins and needles. She touches her pointer finger eagerly to the pre-picked blade of grass on her knee - knowing she has it this time- and lifts it.

The grass stays where it is.

Raika frowns at it and curses under her breath, tries again, fails again. Curses a little louder. Tries again. Fails again.

After the fifth attempt she starts to feel light headed and resolves to try again tomorrow before dragging herself up and back into the house to demand someone read to her.

It takes a further six days before Raika manages to chakra-glue the grass blade to her finger. She does it a second time, just to make sure it isn't a fluke and confidently moves on to harder parts of the body. The back of her hand, her feet, her elbows, her chest. She steers clear of her head for the time being - that's already a mess, no need to go swirling chakra around in there and risk further fuck ups.

Within a month she is working on multiple blades of grass, each one sticking to a different point on her body, making her look like a ridiculous green hedgehog. Twenty blades is her current record but she is cautious of pulling up too much of the greenery around the tree she has made her practice spot. The lawn is already looking a little bald from all her failed attempts.

She practices daily, moving from grass to leaves, then leaves to paper. Eventually Raika can stick a myriad of objects to herself; buttons, rocks, cutlery and various toys of all shapes and sizes. Cautiously she tries glueing a kitten to her chest, but that only results in one angry kitten and an impressive collection of scratches. Raika decides she isn't quite strong enough for that just yet anyway.

Mugen and Hikari are at least a little aware of their daughters endeavours in chakra control, if only because they worry over the amount of time she spends sleeping off her exhaustion.

They watch to make sure she doesn't push too hard but otherwise let her figure it out for herself. Which Raika is thankful for. Chakra is new to her in ways the rest of the world _isn't_ _._ It's different. Strange. Unknown. She wants to experience it for herself, to see how much she can figure out alone and unaided.

Chakra manipulation – no matter how small – is a welcome change from the challenge of learning to read and write. It leaves her with a small sense of victory whenever she manages to unravel some of it's workings, something that she has power over when everything else is beyond her control. It's exciting!

Her chakra control exercises leave her tired physically, while working on hiragana, katakana and kanji leave her mentally drained. Together they wear Raika out enough that she doesn't have time to dwell on other thoughts during her waking hours.

Her sleeping hours are a different story though.

Raika always dreams.

Sometimes of nonsensical things that the child in her creates. Fantastical creatures, amazingly unrealistic landscapes, combinations of both her worlds merging seamlessly into one, obscure, often odd but fun.

Occasionally she has pleasant dreams of things from before. A hand held in hers, fingers locked together with whispered promises of never letting go. Holidays to warm and distant sands, adventures big and small. Familiar voices bickering around a dinner table, laughter, family.

Those are the nights she prays for. The innocent dreams of a child or the soft reminders of home without the paralysing interruptions that ambush her in the day.

Other nights she wakes sweating, little hands clawing the sheets that have twisted round her in the night. Her parents worried faces peering down at her from either side of the bed, like fretting shadows.

Those nights are the ones Raika hopes the chakra training will have exhausted her for. Those are the dreams she tries to blot out as she stuffs the cryptic Japanese writing system into a head already fit to burst.

Too vivid. Too real. Too much.

She would rather not dream at all.

* * *

 **Second chapter down! We're still learning a bit about Raika and her brain troubles here. My intention is to update weekly but I'm also working on the new chapter of ISOAQ so we'll see how it goes. Hope you guys liked it, please review/favourite/follow as you see fit. Much love!**


	3. Lessons in Letting Go

**Edit: Same again.**

 **This chapter is a day early because I'm going to be a bit busy for the next couple of days, hoping the next update is going to be on time but might be a few days late. Anywho! Thank you all so much for your reviews/favourites/follows. I appreciate it so, so much. I know these kind of fics can be a bit slow in the beginning, but hopefully it will get more interesting next chapter now that all the settling in is finished. Once again, thanks for your support, pleeeaaasssee review if you have time, it means so much to me! Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 3: Lessons in Letting Go

.

When Raika is four years, three months and eleven days old, Tsugaya Hikari dies.

She was healthy, just turned twenty nine, almost the same age Raika had been when -

 _Eyes glazed, a haze of pain, limbs twitching in an aborted attempt to crawl away from the wreckage_

-There is no warning. Hikari went on a mission one day – a routine patrol along the Earth border – and simply fails to come back.

Raika knows something bad has happened when she skips back into the house after another successful morning of moving leaves across her skin and finds her father sitting at the table. He has an open scroll held loosely in his hands and a completely emotionless look on his face, like someone has substituted her father for a store mannequin. He isn't even reading the scroll, just staring at one of the swirls of ink with blank unseeing eyes.

Raika wonders briefly if that is what she looks like when she looses herself.

It's kinda creepy.

Almost as if someone has cranked a dimmer switch inside, turning the eyes dark. Soulless. Empty. No wonder her parents worry about her so much.

"Dad?" Raika asks into the quiet of the kitchen. She can't even hear him breathing, and he gives no response. She tries again as she steps forward, a little closer, a little louder. "Dad?"

Mugen jerks his head up, his eyes snapping back into focus, landing on her as he finally realises he isn't alone in the room. He blinks, clears his throat. "Did you – sorry, did you say something kit?"

Raika tries to ignore the way his voice breaks mid sentence as she carefully makes her way around the table to stand at his side. Her eyes flicker to the paper in his hand, hoping to get a glimpse of what is written inside but she can't make anything out – written in code? She blinks and her eyes are back on her father.

Mugen makes a half hearted attempt at rolling the scroll shut but then just lets it thump onto the table in favour of pulling her into an abrupt hug. His breath stirs her hair and she has to resist the urge to pull away to flatten it down because _something_ _i_ s happening.

"What's wrong?" Raika asks, her voice muffled against his shoulder. She knows it has to be bad for it to affect her father like this. He's a Jonin and an active member of ANBU -he's never said anything but she'd seen the mask once- so he has to have seen some pretty messed up shit in his time.

"Oh kit," He says around a sigh, sounding broken. "I'm so sorry sweetheart."

She does pull away then. Silver eyes meet silver eyes and Raika surreptitiously tucks the errant strands of short blue hair behind her ear, "What happened?"

"It's your mother," Mugen tells her and Raika's heart clenches because she thinks -for one ridiculous second – that he means her _other_ mother. But no. Mugen can't mean her – he means Hikari. "She's -" He pauses, turns his face away slightly, pain etching on his features. "-She's gone, kit."

"Gone." Raika repeats back, nonplussed. What does he mean gone? She's on a mission, of course she was – _oh_. Oh no.

Raika feels a wave of grief wash over her that wars with a gush of guilt.

The initial panic she had felt hadn't been for Hikari, it had been for the first woman she had called mother. The one that had nurtured her for years. The one that had read to her every night before bed, that had baked cakes and cookies for her and her sister. The one that had helped pick her dress for prom, kept her encouraged through years of schooling, that had helped pay for her first ca-

 _The quiet clicking of metal cooling, settling, mixed with the sound of laboured breathing_

-Hikari would have done all those things – or the shinobi equivalent – if she had had the chance. But she wouldn't get that chance, not any more. It's too sudden. Too abrupt. People don't just di-

 _Pain, so much pain._

-But she's still _important_. Hikari has been one of the only two people Raika really knows in this world. Hikari had cared for her. She had taught Raika to speak and to read. She had been endlessly patient and kind. Hikari had loved her, even though Raika wasn't the daughter she deserved, her mother had _always_ loved her.

And Raika had loved Hikari too. She couldn't be gone. Not like that.

Raika jerks back as something touches her face, surprised to find Mugen's hand so close. Fingertips wet. When had she started crying? When had _he_ started crying.

"It's okay. It's okay," Her father is saying over and over, reassuring himself as well as her. "It's okay. I know. It's okay."

It isn't okay and he doesn't know.

Raika knows. Is more familiar with death-

 _Cold and hot all at once_

\- No, Hikari. How did she die-

 _Getting harder to breathe_

-Hikari had been with her squad. What had happened to them? Was she the only one? Had she been alone when she -

 _Whimpering around a mouthful of blood_

 _-_ Did it hurt? Was she in pain?-

 _The smell of smoke, burnt rubber, copper and rain_

-Had she been afraid -

 _Eyes flicking back and forth, seeing nothing_

-Did Hikari think about them while she lay dyin-

 _Too much blood, too much pain_

Raika sways on her feet and darkness sweeps in.

...

The funeral is held a little under a week later, though Raika uses the term funeral loosely. There is no service. No friends or family gathered. There is no coffin. No body at all, as far as she knows - which isn't much because everyone is being very tight lipped about the whole thing. Whether that's because the body hasn't been retrieved or because there isn't enough of it to be worth the effort she doesn't know, and she doesn't ask.

Despite the lack of ceremony Raika and Mugen aren't the only people clustered around the stone obelisk. Apparently only one member of Hikari's squad has survived their patrol – he's still in the hospital, she overhears, so they aren't the only mourners.

There is another little family, a mother and two dark haired boys who are all weeping openly as they huddle around the memorial. Then a lone woman a little older than her father, her face twisted in sadness though her eyes remain dry. The difference between civilian and shinobi.

The Hokage is there too, though briefly.

The first _real_ Naruto character she has come into contact with and it's at her mothers funeral. Figures.

He's nice enough. Not as old or grey as she remembers him being but there's still a war and twelve odd years left for that to happen.

The Hokage speaks for a few minutes about the will of fire and how the village is thankful for the lives their loved ones have given in it's service. A little impersonal, but functional. He's probably had to do this kind of thing enough times that it's almost rote by this point.

Sandaime-sama then offers his condolences along with what looks to be Hikari's hitai-ate, though could have easily been a place holder for the real one. The shinobi equivalent of dog tags. He does the same for the other two ninja that have died, spending a few minutes with each family. Showing support. Grieving with them. Mourning their loss.

"Dad?" Raika asks into a lull in the conversation. Both Mugen and the Hokage turn as one to look at her, both eyes sharp though one pair is clouded with pain – the other coloured by fatigue.

"What is it, Raika?" Mugen questions quietly, squeezing her hand.

"Why doesn't mum get a grave in the cemetery?" She asks, eyes flicking back and forth between the adults as she waits for her answer.

It's been bugging her since they arrived. Originally Raika thought that the memorial was for shinobi who had died in the Third War, because Uchiha Obitio's name would eventually be carved onto it, but not Nohara Rin. Rin hadn't died as a direct result of the war, not like Obito had, so she didn't get a place – but that war hadn't started yet.

Maybe it's just for shinobi who's bodies couldn't be recovered? But no, that isn't right either because other names had been added to the Memorial, those of people that had died well after the war like Hayate and Iruka's parents and they had all died in Konoha, their bodies might not have been whole but they had been in the village.

Perhaps it's a combination of things? She doesn't know. She wants to, though, because it feels like has meaning.

"It's.. complicated kit," Mugen tells her, offering up a smile but nothing that actually helps.

"But she should have her own grave," Raika persists, frowning because for some reason it's important for her to understand this. Back, _before_ , graves were important. Funerals were expensive. You made a big deal about the person who had -

 _Tears blurring, vision turning black_ _._

\- You didn't just lump them in with a couple of other people and leave it at that. It isn't uncommon for ninja to live short lives, but does that mean you don't bother? It's just too routine? "What's the significance of the Memorial Stone?" She continues, ignoring the way her fathers brows crease for a few seconds when she blanks, his hand holding hers a little tighter.

"The memorial is to commemorate the brave men and women who sacrificed themselves for the future of the village." The Hokage fills for her when Mugen doesn't offer any information. He gives her a kindly smile but it's strained. Raika's frown deepens. _Sacrificed_ _i_ s not the same as just dying. Was that just poor wording? A sacrifice could be willingly made, would be willing for most ninja. What was the difference between someone sacrificing themselves for the village as opposed to being killed in the line of duty? Is there one? If her mother die-

 _Ears ringing, burning, bleeding_

"-Don't all shinobi give their lives for the village?" She barrelled on, directing it at the Hokage. "Why aren't they all on the memorial?"

"Raika, we can talk about this later." Mugen says, a little more forcefully. Is he avoiding her question because he doesn't want to answer it or because he's worried what it will do to her already strained mental state?

Her head aches horribly.

"But I don't understand," Raika says instead of voicing her internal debate, turning her eyes to her father. "What happens to get your name engraved on the Memorial? Why is mum here and not-"

 _Laboured breaths coming in short gasps_

 _-"_ Why isn't she-" Raika shakes her head, trying to abort the dark thoughts that close in. She doesn't want to cause a scene - well, not more of one. Not here. Not now. She just wants to _know._

"It's okay kit, just breathe," Mugens voice urges, his distress cutting through the haze in her mind. Raika blinks, and is surprised to find her father crouching in front of her, hands on her shoulders. She didn't even realise he'd moved. "Remember what the doctor said?"

Raika remembers.

\- She hadn't realised she had blacked out after hearing the news of Hikari's death. She'd woken up some hours later in her own bed, with a splitting headache and a stranger standing over her.

Mugen had been there too, hovering and anxious.

"Ah, Raika-chan, how are you feeling?" The medic had asked, smiling down at her.

He was young, younger than her father at least with a pointed chin and round glasses that made his eyes look too big for his face, like a bug. He was probably a nice man, but Raika had never much liked doctors so she disliked this one on principle.

"Fine." She had lied. Her head hurt, so did her chest.

"Can you tell me what happened?" The medic had asked. He leaned over her a little more, uncomfortably close and she had shrunk back against her pillows, frowning up at him.

"My mother died." Raika told him, saying the words but not thinking about then, then added. "I don't remember fainting."

"What your father described sounded a little like it might have been a panic attack. Short of breath, trembling, sweating, unfocused," The medic reeled off the symptoms. Raika blinked. "Tsugaya-san said this has happened previously, but you haven't blacked out before. Is that right?"

Why was he asking her when Mugen was standing not three feet away? Raika flicked a glance over at her father. Still watching uneasily and not showing any sign of coming to her aid.

"No, not like that." Raika agreed after a minute. It had never really lasted long enough for symptoms before. She guessed her eyes probably lost focus, maybe her breathing quickened or her palms got clammy but never sweating outright or shaking noticeably. Over before her body had a chance to do anything.

"I know this must be scary for you," The medic had said with a sympathetic smile. "It's always hard to lose someone you love and if you are prone to panic attacks then things like this can trigger them."

Raika nodded even though she knew the source of her episodes wasn't a panic attack. It was sudden, yes, but not anything she could see coming. It wasn't something that built up until it was too much, she didn't feel any rising terror. She didn't feel much of anything. It came out of nowhere, swept through her like someone had opened a sluice gate and left just as quickly, leaving her washed clean of feeling. Empty. Numb.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The medic had asked.

Raika shook her head and had avoided laughing in his face. She knew it wasn't something she could share with anyone. How long would it take them to pronounce her crazy? Did Konoha have a mental institution? It wasn't a question she wanted an answer too.

"Okay, I understand," The medic had nodded. "I'm going to teach you a few different methods that might help you in future."

He had proceeded to walk her through several exercises that ranged from taking a certain number of breaths, holding and releasing to some strange variation of yoga that he thought would help centre her and a collection of distraction techniques. Raika had nodded along politely but knew the information was almost useless to her -

"Breathe, kit," Her father reminds, bringing her out of the memory and back to the present. She inhales deeply, holds it, then breathes out. Repeats it, then again until the distressed look on Mugens face shifts to something less panicked. Carefully she ignores the way even the two dark haired boys have stopped their weeping momentarily to watch her. "Better?"

She nods.

"You sure?" Mugen asks. He's still squatting in front of her, watching her with an assessing gaze. It makes Raika feel a little like she's an exhibition at a museum, or an animal in a cage.

"I'm sure," She says to him, a little more firmly. "I just.. I don't understand."

"I know sweetheart, I promise I'll tell you about it later, okay?" Her father assures her, smiling, though it doesn't reach his eyes. Raika nods. "Good girl, now let's... let's say our goodbyes, shall we?"

Raika nods again, even if she still thinks something is wrong with the whole situation. She waits for her father to stand and offer his hand to her and then the two of them turn to face the memorial, Hikari's name newly engraved on the dark stone.

...

It's hard to think of Hikari as dea-

 _Eyelids sliding closed, fluttering open again. Fighting to stay awake_

\- Not just because thinking of things like that cause her brain to short circuit, but because it doesn't really seem like she's gone.

Things just aren't that much different around the house.

Raika can easily pretend that her mother is still off on a mission, a very long mission sure, but a mission that she will eventually return from. She can imagine waking up and finding Hikari sipping tea in the courtyard, a smile on her face and a book laying open beside her. Or out in the garden. Her mother had always liked gardening – Raika can almost envision Hikari tending to the flowerbeds that run around the inner wall, long fingers streaked with dirt and smelling of roses.

It would be a very simple thing for Raika to make herself believe that Hikari isn't _really_ gone. But she is. No amount of denial is going to change that. Raika is already struggling to get over one death, she doesn't need to have a second one dogging her steps as well.

But it's _weird_.

Shinobi don't mourn like normal people.

Her father is heartbroken. Hikari had been the first and only love of his life. Her mother had told her once – it was one of those things Raika hadn't cared about at the time, but was now glad she knew – that the two of them had been in the same academy class, had graduated in the same year. Mugen and Hikari had fought each other in their preliminary matches for Chunin -her father had won but they had both been promoted - and he'd invited her out for a 'sorry I gave you a black eye' apology meal.

He had always loved her.

The problem was he isn't showing it.

Hikari's gone; all Mugen has left of her are a few photos, some clothes and knick-knacks, his memories and Raika – the little girl who is but also isn't their daughter.

Her father isn't acting like a man who has just lost his wife and soul mate. It isn't that Raika wants him to be an emotional wreck – she can't handle that on top of her own troubles, but a little bit of grief wouldn't go amiss.

It takes a few days of watching - his smiles not so wide, his laugh not as full, his hugs just a little too tight – for Raika to realise that this was how he has been trained, to regulate his emotions. To suppress his feelings and carry on. What was that rule; shinobi must never show weakness? Something like that. Horse shit.

No wonder a lot of the characters in the Naruto-verse are fucked up.

Bottling up emotions like that might be useful if you have to watch your team mates dying on a regular basis but it can only lead to bad things in the long run. There are all sorts of things that suppressing your emotions can effect; stress, anxiety, depression, communication and a hell of a lot more inside the body; a weakened immune system, headaches, blood clots. If you ignore all that it's only a matter of time before your body shuts itself down.

Raika doesn't know how to go about undoing years and years of ninja conditioning to help her father, but she does what she can to aid his grief.

In the weeks that follow Hikari's death Raika spends more time with her father, giving random hugs and trying her hardest not to think about _things_ that might cause more worry in his life. She doesn't know how to heal a broken heart any more than she knows how to fix a broken mind, but she tries. And if Mugen still sets the table for three at mealtimes – well, neither of them are very good at letting go.

...

Even though he is recently widowed and has a four year old with a tendency to lose herself in a mini existential crisis every time she thinks of memories she shouldn't even have, Mugen still has to work. He's a shinobi and a Jonin of Konohagakure, which means carrying on despite the shit life throws at you.

While he's away on missions outside of the village Raika is left in the care of their elderly neighbour Kojima Ayako; a delightful old woman with terrible eyesight and very few teeth left to her, which makes every other word she speaks come out as a whistle.

Kojima-san isn't the most observant of guardians though, which is probably why Hotaru also gets left behind to watch over the Tsugaya child.

The elderly woman and the summons make a surprisingly good combination because while the Kojima-san isn't particularly mobile - she has a bad hip- she did used to be a teacher – which means she is very helpful in getting Raika's reading and writing up to scratch. Kojima-san is a fount of knowledge and always seems happy to explain things to Raika, answering questions in detail or teaching her bits and pieces of history - which she is probably old enough to have been a part of.

She also has a metric fuck ton of books that Raika can't wait to get her tiny little hands on. Damn how she's missed being able to read.

Hotaru already knows that the only way to keep Raika out of trouble when she isn't trying to puzzle her way through the complexities of the written word is to keep her moving.

The cat summons employes his tried and tested method of using copious amounts of kittens to rein her in, which works up until a point – even kittens need rest. Once Raika proves she is fast enough to catch all but one of the kittens, Hotaru steps up his game and begins to show her useful little tricks that kept her occupied for hours; things like how to relax her eyes in a way that enhances her peripheral vision, how to twist her body when she falls so she can always land on her feet -or hands-, how to pounce and where to bite a mouse to kill it instantly.

The last one doesn't really take, but she's willing enough to try the pouncing.

One of the more interesting things Hotaru tries to teach Raika is how to place her feet to make the least amount of noise. Instinct for a cat, handy for a ninja, almost impossible for a child.

As young children go Raika has remarkably good control over her body for the obvious reason of already having experience in piloting one. That being said she still struggles to quieten her steps completely. She practises till her feet barely make a sound. Little more than a whisper, a sigh of wind, but it is enough that she never manages to creep up on Hotaru.

There has to be a way to silence her movements completely, she thinks.

Shinobi are sneaky. They are masters of stealth. She has seen it in the anime and is determined to learn it for herself. Raika assumes there is some way to manipulate chakra that will cancel the sound of her footsteps – but fuck if she knows how it's done.

If she can make a vacuum with her chakra it could work – but she doesn't have the energy or the knowledge to even attempt something like that. So instead she practises with what she knows.

First she tries coating her feet with chakra to create a barrier between herself and the floor, just the smallest layer at first because she doesn't have much and can't afford to use it frivolously. It doesn't work. All she manages to do is slightly glue herself down.

Then she tries smaller points of contact. Chakra on her heel, supporting the arch and on the ball of her foot. Not enough to stick but enough to soften the landing. It almost works. There is still the slightest sound but it's better than nothing.

Finally, she tests pushing chakra out of her feet with each step. The entirety of her foot, at first, then just the heel and ball. Tiny jets of chakra expelling to silence the sound of her foot meeting the ground. To her surprise it works.

It takes her weeks to get it down properly, but when combined with what Hotaru has taught her about even distribution of weight and placement of the foot she can eventually make her steps silent with only minimal chakra output. Of course until her reserves grow it's still tiring and she couldn't have kept it up for a full day – not to mention that no matter how small the amount of chakra she uses her control still isn't good enough to avoid detection by someone trained to sense it.

Still, she is pleased.

Even more so with the surprised leap and hiss Hotaru gives her when she finally manages to sneak up behind him and give his bushy tail a gentle tug.

On the rare occasions that Mugen isn't out of the village he spends all his time with Raika, trying to make up for the days and weeks spent away.

At first the adult in Raika shied away from the almost constant presence of her father, wanting her own space and time alone. It isn't like time spent with Kojima-san, who gives Raika a book and leaves her to it - or Hotaru who is content to let her practice her own thing as long as he can keep an eye on her. Mugen is always there and it makes the introvert in her balk at the thought of having to spend hours with him. But the child in her fights back, demanding the bonding time with a stubbornness that only children can possess.

So, after some hesitancy, they do stuff together - and it's not as bas as she first thought it would be, in fact it's actually kind of cool.

At first they only do small things; going to the park, taking a picnic, playing with the kittens, visiting Hikari and attempting to bake -though they only try that once. Getting a feel for each other, testing the waters. It's strange to do things without her mother present - like there is a Hikari shaped hole in their lives that they have no idea how to fill, but the more time they spend together the easier it becomes.

Then their daddy-daughter escapades evolve into more exciting adventures.

Mugen takes Raika outside of Konoha's walls for the first time for a camping trip in the surrounding forest. He teaches her how to pitch a tent and make a fire in at least three different ways, then how to cover up her presence so it looks like they've never been there. It's hard, since she's so small, but her eagerness to learn new things makes up for a lot and the muddle through.

He shows her how to make traps and snares -though she doesn't actually catch anything- and how to fish with rods, nets or baskets – which is also unsuccessful. Her father points out which roots are safe to eat, which ones will make her sick or even kill her. Mugen patiently shows her where to forage for mushrooms, what to look for when searching for grubs and how to identify plants with medicinal properties.

They go for hikes, exploring the mountains behind the Hokage monument where Mugen tries to show Raika how to rock climb – though she doesn't have enough strength for it and ends up being carried most of the way. Mugen doesn't complain and he uses the time to point out various different plants and shrugs that cling to life in the mountains.

Raika decides it's easier to appreciate the view when being carried.

The two of them spend hours stargazing on clear winter nights, wrapped in blankets to stave off the chill. Mugen points out the constellations and how to use the position of the stars to navigate her way, he tells her about how they change during the summer months, and what to look for then. Raika tries not to think about how the stars are different to the ones she had known _before_ and focuses instead on how much brighter they seem without the orange glow of a million street lights muting them out.

The amount of knowledge Mugen gives Raika is unreal. She'd never been much into nature _before_ , growing up in a bustling city where camping had never even crossed her mind – but now she takes it all in eagerly, even if it does make her head throb and her eyes ache.

She's always been good at rememberi-

 _Warmth leeching out of her body, darkness creeping in_

 _-_ and it's all useful. Each little tip and every piece of advice stored away for later use. Mugen seems genuinely surprised by her ability to absorb all the things he passes on to her, but never mentions it, just keeps giving more, feeding her curious mind.

The things Mugen show her are endlessly interesting and Raika soaks it all up as best she can, feeling like a regular Bear Grylls by the time her fifth birthday rolls around. It is little over a month before that Mugen introduces the idea of school.

...

Raika is reading at her desk, pouring over a history book borrowed from Kojima-san when Mugen appears in the doorway, pausing briefly to knock but not waiting for her to answer before strolling in with a sheaf of papers in his hand.

She turns to frown up at him when the papers land on the page she is reading, obscuring the section that details the daimyo who have ruled each elemental nation in the past. "What's this?" she asks curiously, even as her glance travels back down to scan the pages, eyebrows raising slightly.

"Entrance papers," Mugen tells her, though she's already figured that much out. "I wasn't sure if you wanted to apply for the Academy or Konoha shōgakkō, so I picked up both."

Raika nods, because that makes sense. Even though she made the conscious decision to become a shinobi almost two years ago she never actually discussed that course of action with her parents – well, parent, now. In all honesty she thought they might have picked for her. Choosing where to go to school hadn't involved her until she went to college in her past life, Raika thought it might have been much the same here.

She assumed that Mugen had taught her all those survival techniques during his downtime as a precursor to entering the Academy, but apparently he is giving her the choice to decide her future, another irregularity in the Naruto-verse. Children are given much more responsibility here, much more freedom. Raika still isn't sure if that is a good thing or not, but it makes sense if you need child-soldiers who can think for themselves.

Turning her attention back to the papers she studies them again. There isn't a lot of difference between the two. Each form has sections for the applicants personal details; name, date of birth, citizenship number, address and a place where a recent picture can be attached. There are boxes for their parent or guardians information; their place of birth, their passport number, their job description.

Only the Academy papers have the section at the bottom though. The place to write clan details, potential kekkei genkai or other special abilities passed down through the family.

Both schools teach the same thing for the most part – though the Academy is more militarian. It's lessons are focused to help the students develop into competent shinobi. It teaches strategy. Leadership. Teamwork. It teaches loyalty and obedience – above all else.

Their geography lessons show the children which nations are allies and which are enemies, which borders they can cross and which ones will get them killed if they are caught. History instructs them in past battles, which tactics and formations are used and when, why the are effective or why they aren't. Mathematics and science teach problem solving, they developed analysis and logic and behavioural skills. Help train theory, method and practice.

The civilian school would teach the same, but their lessons would be geared towards more mundane practices. And their physical education is nowhere near as intensive.

Raika frowns at the papers for a long time.

Civilian or ninja. Civilian or ninja. Civilian or ninja?

Is she picking ninja just because she wants cool powers? Even with cool jutsu can she do anything to impact the Naruto-verse to make it just a little less shitty? Should she even try? Can she be a ninja when thoughts of dea-

 _a distant thud-thud, slowing, slowing_

A civilian life wouldn't be so bad, would it? She can pioneer a new age in technology, become filthy rich and spend her days lazing in the sun, on a hot beach somewhere. Did she want that? Yes. Will it be best for her? Probably.

Raika doesn't know for sure which is the right path. What she does know is that she doesn't want to be helpless. Becoming a shinobi might find her in an early grave -

 _darkness, cold, a fading drum beat_

\- but it will be one of her own making. Her own decision.

"I want to be a ninja." Raika says finally, sending up a silent prayer to whichever Gods happen to be listening that she doesn't live to regret it.

* * *

 **So, things get a little more interesting next chapter when Raika enters the Academy! Got to wonder if becoming a ninja is the best choice for someone who can't think about death without freezing up, but where's the fun in being a civvy? Once again thanks to everyone who reviewed and those of you that followed/faved. Please let me know if you like the story and review/follow/favourite as you see fit! Much love.**


	4. Lessons in Making Friends

**Thank you, thank you, thank you! Everyone who reviewed/followed/faved you are wonderful! I means a lot to me! I'd love to know what you guys think of the story so far, what you like or don't like, what you'd be interested in seeing in the future, I like opinions! I know it starts off a little slow but stick with me.**

 **Please review/follow/favourite as you see fit, and enjoy!**

 **Edit: Almost done updating**

* * *

Chapter Four: Lessons in Making Friends

.

"Got your lunch?" Mugen asks for the third time as they make their way toward the Academy; one pair of feet scuffing the dirt on the road, the other silent. Raika tries not to roll her eyes, fails miserably and simply nods. "And your bag?"

"You can see everything I'm carrying dad," She reminds him, jerking a thumb over her shoulder to point out the backpack because elite ninja or not, he obviously isn't seeing it, "And stop asking, you're the one who packed it."

"Right, right. Sorry," Mugen says, scratching the back of his head with a chuckle. "I guess I'm just nervous. It is your first day after all."

"Why? It's just school?" Raika snorts, though she can admit to herself that she is a little bit apprehensive. There's nothing quite like starting somewhere new, even if you've done it before. Even if, technically, you're an adult. She used to think she was comfortable in her own skin, but the childish thoughts of _what if they don't like me?_ still circle quietly around inside her head, "Besides, it's my first day – not yours."

"I know that, I just – oh never mind." Mugen says around a huff as they come into view of the gate. Luckily he isn't overly perturbed by his daughters blunt manner, nor her occasional bouts of sarcasm - which is handy considering how often they crop up.

He's worrying though. Not just because this is her first day but because it means Raika is going to become a ninja. He won't be able to look out for her when the memories bubble up and she looses herself. He can't keep her safe any more, shielded from the rest of the world. He can't _be_ there for her.

They stop outside the Academy grounds and Raika watches with interest as the other parents fuss over their children, pulling collars and flattening hair. Some of the kids look eager, practically vibrating with excitement. Others look worried, a little afraid maybe. One; a tiny mousey haired girl who is clutching her fathers hand tight enough to crack the bones looks ill, her face a delicate shade of green. The kind of colour that is usually a precursor to violent projectile vomiting.

Nerves are a wonderful thing, Raika decides. She makes a mental note to stay out of the splatter radius, just in case.

Raika hears her father take a deep breath and drags her attention away from the other academy inductees to watch as he drops into a crouch beside her. Mugens hands bracket her shoulders, their comfortable weight resting there once Raika has turned to face him fully

"Alright, lets take a look at you," Her dad says, tilting his chin down to inspect her with a expression of mock seriousness. "Bright eyes, big smile, listening ears on?"

Raika nods and twists her lips into a smirk. Her father is a dork.

"Your hair's a mess," Mugen tuts, lifting one hand from her shoulder in an attempt to pat down her wayward locks. She pouts at that and gives him a scowl.

"That's not my fault!" Raika tells him indignantly, because she gets her looks from him, and Mugen's hair is always a mess. "Besides I brushed it like four times!"

"Maybe you should have tried five," Her father laughs, his eyes twinkling as he plasters a wide grin on his face.

But his hand stills, resting tenderly against her head as he watches her silently. The easy grin slipping from his face, replaced by something less readable. Melancholy, if she has to take a punt.

"What?" Raika asks cautiously after a minute has passed. If he keeps this up she's going to be late, and that is unacceptable on her first day.

First impressions and all that.

"You're growing up so quickly." Her father tells her finally, letting a sigh escape him.

"I'm already grown up." She replies with all the authority she can muster, which at a staggeringly unimpressive three foot six and weighing in at only fifty five pounds is not much. It draws another laugh from the older Tsugaya – which is not quite the reaction she was going for. Thankfully Raika is well past the point of being annoyed at people treating her like a child. Irritating, yes. Unreasonable, no.

"Hikari would be so proud of you," Mugen claims and Raika blinks back, startled. He says it so casually, like it doesn't send lances of pain through his heart to talk about his dead wif -

 _Darkness roiling at the edges of her vision_

 _-_ "I'm proud of you too."

Raika almost laughs in his face.

It's only funny because it's so out of the blue, so unexpected. How many times had she heard those words in her previous life? Once, maybe? After all she'd achieved and how hard she'd worked she could only remember one occasion and yet here is Mugen, her father for only five short years, offering it up for simply making the decision to come to school.

A memory comes to her then, not one of the ones that steals the light from her, but something softer. The face of a man seen with new eyes, blurred edges and indistinct lines smiling down at her. No expectations, just love.

It makes an embarrassing lump form in her throat and she doesn't trust herself to speak– not that she has a clue how to respond anyway. ' _Cheers dad_ ,' or ' _I haven't actually done anything yet?_ ' a simple ' _thank you_ '. No. That's weird. So instead Raika remains silent, keeping her internal musings to herself and her gaze fixed on the silver eyes that have become so familiar to her.

Mugen doesn't seem to expect an answer from her -which is good - and smiles again. He draws her forward into a hug that lasts one, two, three, four seconds before he pulls away and pushes to his feet.

One hand returns to her head as if he's afraid Raika will fade away without him to hold her in place. "You'd better go, the induction will start in a few minutes."

"Kay," Raika agrees, the sentimental atmosphere melting away as quickly as it had come - for which she is eternally grateful. Feelings, ugh.

They stand for a moment in not quite awkward silence, then Raika sees the mischievous grin that spreads over Mugens face. She tries to duck away before her father can muss her hair – but she isn't nearly fast enough to evade him or the way his fingers rub against her scalp, throwing her already messy hair into further disarray. "Daaaad!"

"Sorry kit!" Mugen laughs, not sounding sorry at all. "Now remember to listen to your sensei and try to make some friends."

"Yes dad." Raika grumbles, patting down her hair as best she can while still maintaining her frown.

"Don't start any fights and try not to ask _too_ many questions," He adds, then shakes his head and amends. "I mean, still ask questions – but don't ask _all_ the questions."

"Yes dad," she repeats, trying not let her annoyance show though.

"And don't worry if there are things you don't understand-" Mugen continues, but Raika knows she has to cut him off before he can really get going. She really will be late if he's allowed to carry on.

"I'll be fine." Raika tells him in her most reassuring voice as she wraps her arms around his legs for a quick hug, then hurriedly steps back a pace before he can make her look any more dishevelled.

"I know," Mugen went on, sighing again. It's the sigh of a man who knew he was being too overprotective, but couldn't quite bring himself to stop. Still, he smiles and gives her a cheery, "Have a good day kit, I'll be here to pick you up."

"Bye dad!" Raika waves, turning and speeding away to join the other kids that are being ordered into lines before Mugen can delay her any further.

Behind her she hears a hurried "Be good!" before she is shuffled into the front row between a brown haired boy and a blonde haired girl who is grinning like a maniac. Creepy. Veeeerrry creepy, Raika thinks to herself, don't make eye contact.

Raika keeps her face forward, then blinks and turns just enough that she can see the boy in her peripherals -just like Hotaru taught her- and examines him. Spiky brown hair pulled up on top of his head like a weird fluffy pineapple and a scar running across the bridge of his nose – Iruka!

God he's adorable! His face is round with the baby pudge that still plagues Raika, glancing about with big curious eyes like liquid chocolate, eager to take in everything. And he's so tiny!

Raika holds in a little squeal of excitement, she has to be friends with him! She just _has_ to.

She's opening her mouth to introduce herself but slams on the social breaks before any words can escape. Is she just going to start chatting to a random stranger? That's a bit forward isn't it? Who initiates conversation in situations like this – or does she wait for something to happen that will allow an interesting topic, something they have a shared interest in, maybe?

Raika hums in frustration, which draws the attention of the blonde girl on her other side with the wide smile.

"Hello!" The blonde chirps much too loudly, dragging Raika's attention away from Iruka and back to her grinning face. She looks like she has too many teeth in her mouth and is intent on showing every single one. "I'm Yamada Hanako but you can call me Hana, what's your name?"

"Uh, Raika," Raika answers, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She'd definitely forgotten how quickly kids struck up conversations. No insecurities among the five year olds, she'll have to remember that. But at least she's gotten her answer about how to start introductions with Iruka. Blurting was perfectly acceptable. "Tsugaya Raika."

"Nice to meet you!" Hana says, still grinning as she clasps her hands in front of herself. "You sound funny."

"Thanks." Raika says flatly. Creepy and rude, what a stellar combination.

"Are you a transfer? I've never seen you before!" Hana continues on obliviously.

"No, I'm from Konoha," Raika informs her patiently. "I was born here, and I've always sounded like this."

She knew it would be a factor when interacting with people her perceived age. Kids are amazing at ignoring the social taboos that adults tiptoe around. They see that people are different to them and they don't give a rats ass as long as that person is fun to play with. The downside is that they don't think before they speak, just blurt out whatever their curious little brains are thinking and don't worry about what effect their words will have on the people around them.

"Are you sure? My great aunt lives near the Land of Rivers and she has an accent too," Hana volunteers, tapping her chin. "It doesn't sound like yours though. Your hair is blue too, I don't know anyone else with blue hair."

"My father has blue hair, and he's from Konoha too," Raika explains, wondering if it is too late to change places in the line. It'd be rude, sure, but that isn't a problem for kids, apparently. No, everyone is watching, she can't leave. A different tactic then. "Are you looking forward to school?"

"Oh yeah!" Hana nods eagerly and Raika mentally pats herself on the back for the easiest distraction ever. "I'm really excited to make lots of new friends! How about you?"

"I guess," Raika shrugs, then scratches her cheek. If kids can just start conversations out of the blue does that mean they can also disengage from them as quickly? Unlikely. "I mean, it'll be cool to learn ninja stuff but school is school."

Hana nods sagely as if she knows exactly what Raika means – which Raika suspects she doesn't, but decides not to mention in case it spurs the girl on to further conversation.

The blonde opens her mouth to say something else but snaps it shut, her too many teeth clicking together as she spots the Hokage making his way over to their line with a smile on his face.

Oh thank God. Saved by the old man in the ridiculous hat.

Hiruzen stops a little to the left of where Raika and Hana are standing, giving the collected children a benevolent smile. He doesn't look like a super strong shinobi – more like an uncle, or maybe an accountant – with a funky robe.

"Welcome new students," The Hokage begins once everyone had quietened down, his eyes roving over the prospective ninja with a kindly smile. "My, we have a fine selection of applicants this year. It warms my heart to see so many promising young faces, eager to protect their village and carry on the Will of Fire that burns so brightly within Konoha."

Raika stands in line with the others and promptly zones out.

She can recognise the start of a long boring speech when she hears one and knows she won't miss much. It isn't like the Hokage is going to go into depth about the intricacies of the shinobi world on their first day.

Well. She hopes not.

Idly Raika wonders how likely her chances of getting put in the same class as Yamada Hanako are and what their first lesson is going to be. She already has maths and science down and thanks to Kojima-san her geography and history are passable as well. P.E is going to be murder – not that she'd been a complete slouch _before,_ but nothing quite on the level of what she is expecting here.

She's looking forward to learning about chakra the most, and Ninjutsu of course. Mainly things that weren't an option previously – new things for her brain to ponder.

Raika decides that once everything is settled she can think about where she wants to head with her life as a shinobi -assuming she makes it that far- and what she can change -assuming she can change anything- in the Naruto-verse – but first she has to deal with school. Joy of joys.

"-ope you will all try your best, and I look forward to hearing about your progress as the year continues." The Hokage finishes.

The new Academy students let out a collective "Yes, Hokage-sama," which Raika manages to tag onto the end of as she snaps out of her thoughts, having missed most of the induction speech. Result.

Two shinobi wearing Chunin vests appear, already looking frazzled despite this being the first day and begin sorting the children into groups. Predictably Hana is placed in the same group as Raika because _of course_ she is – the upside being that Iruka is too, so there is still a good chance to befriend the adorable little pineapple head.

Raika does a quick headcount – forty one students – not quite enough for two full classes if she knows her three times tables. Which she does. Briefly she wonders what they do with an odd number of students? Some won't pass, sure, and others might even drop out but even after graduation there can't always be enough students for teams of three, can there?

She hums to herself and lets the thoughts slide to the back of her mind as the children in front of her start to move. The Hokage and remaining parents watch proudly as the two groups are herded through the doors of the Academy and then out of sight. Before Raika disappears through the doors she glances back but Mugen isn't among them.

Moving in single file passed open doors where classes are already in session Raika follows the rest of her age mates through the halls of the Academy. Hana, walking a few paces behind Raika, keeps up a stream of senseless babble while the Chunin at the front of the lines points out places he thinks will be of interest; the teachers officers, the lunch rooms, the training halls and so on.

Eventually they come to a halt and one troupe of children file into the room on the left while Raika's class shuffle through the door on the right.

The classroom is set up much the same as she remembers from the anime. A high ceilinged room with large windows letting in an abundance of natural light that work in tandem with the fluorescents buzzing overhead.

The room – painted an _attractive_ pale green that in no way reminds her of vomit or snot - is set in tiers, giving a clear view of the open space at the front of the class where the teachers desk and podium stand. Behind them on the back wall is an old school blackboard, wedged in between two shelving units brimming with text books and work books. The desks are set out in three rows of three, each one seating three students – several of which are already dropping into spaces at the front of the room.

Raika pauses her observations to pick a seat.

She glances around and- Aha! There's Iruka, just pulling out the end chair of the middle desk at the back of the room. Raika quickly changes course and steps up beside him. Not too quickly, though. She doesn't want to make it look like she's targeting him specifically – even if that is exactly what she's doing.

The seat isn't a bad choice. It offers a good view of the entire classroom and is close enough to the door to get out quickly and not get caught in the crush of students when break is called.

And she can probably sneak a nap if she really needs to, which is an added bonus.

Seat chosen, Raika plonks herself down and tucks her bag under her chair to stop anyone else from falling over it, then she waits, watching as the rest of the students fill up the rest of the desks. She wonders if she should just introduce herself to Iruka like Hana had done to her, or is that weird even for kids? She'd felt weird about it, but then again she wasn't the most normal child in the first place and neither was Hana, who had only made it more awkward because she didn't know when to shut up.

Raika hesitates too long and the situation is taken out of her hands when – talk of the devil - Hana practically leaps into the seat next to her, grin still in place.

"Mind if I sit next to you, Raika-chan?" Hana asks even though she is already seated and rummaging through her bag.

"Sure." Raika replies dryly.

"Do you want to eat lunch together?" Hana questions, stopping her bag search abruptly to fix Raika with big green eyes. No easing in with this kid, huh? "My mum was worried I wouldn't have anyone to eat with, but I said that _no one_ would have anyone to eat lunch with because it was the first day and-"

"Settle down Cheshire cat, we can have lunch together," Raika cuts in, begrudgingly resigning herself to the fact that for some reason Hana has singled her out to be friends with. And Raika can admit that even peculiar friends are better than no friends - most of the time.

She can hear Hana asking what 'cheshire cat' means but Raika's attention has already moved elsewhere.

A tall man in ninja garb is slouched against the desk at the front of the room, watching the class with intelligent eyes. She could have sworn he wasn't there the first time she looked, but she hadn't seen him come in either. "Never mind, not important. Has he always been there?"

"Wha- who are you- oh!" Hana blinks in confusion as she follows Raika's gaze. "Oh. I suppose so, I wasn't paying much attention."

Raika nods but doesn't say anything else. She huffs, has a short internal debate which ends with _oh fuck it_ and turns to Iruka. "Did you see him appear?"

"Who?" Iruka asks, his face a question mark until Raika points down to the shinobi leaning on the desk. "Huh, I didn't see him at all. You think he's our teacher?"

"I guess so." Raika nods and takes a second to study the man.

He is younger than her father, perhaps twenty - twenty two years old with light brown hair kept long and tied at the base of his neck. The man peers around the room with owlish dark eyes on either side of a long straight nose, peppered by freckles. He wears the standard flak jacket associated with ninja ranked Chunin or above and the long sleeved blue shirt with Uzushiogakure's swirl on the upper arm – he doesn't really stand out, but Raika guesses that's actually a good thing for a ninja.

"I'm Iruka by the way. Umino Iruka." The brown haired boy says, offering his hand in a very adult gesture. Raika grins and shakes it, almost melting. So cute.

"Tsugaya Raika. Nice to meet you." Raika replies, and means it. She'd always liked Iruka.

The man who they assume to be their new teacher clears his throat – cutting off any more conversation Raika could have attempted and causing a few of the students seated at the front desks to jump – then gives them all a smile.

"Good morning students," The shinobi announces, pushing himself off of the desk to stand in the centre of the floor. "I'm Soton-sensei, I will be your teacher for your first year in the Academy."

"Good morning Soton-sensei!" Raika chimes in time with the rest of her classmates.

They take a quick register where Raika tries to put names to faces and ends up missing her own because she is too busy memorising the three people that had come before her. She catches the second time Soton-sensei calls her after a helpful - if much too forceful- nudge from Hana and stubbornly doesn't meet any eyes as her classmates heads swivel to look at her.

Awkward.

When the register is complete Soton-sensei turns his full attention back on them, still smiling.

"Well, it's nice to meet you all. I'm looking forward to the year ahead and I know you'll all try your hardest to be the best shinobi you can be," He says, moving to stand behind his podium where he shuffles a few papers back into order. "Now, today is a little different as it's your first day – but from tomorrow onwards your days will be structured as follows: You will come here at the start of the day where we will take our register and then begin our first lesson – Literacy, where we will cover reading and writing. Next will be mathematics."

There is a groan from somewhere at the front of the room and Raika suppresses a snort of amusement.

"You will have a short break before returning for geography and science. After that you will have another break for lunch and then we will have a short lesson on chakra theory. The rest of the afternoon will be spent outside or in the training halls for Taijutsu practice," Soton-sensei explains, detailing their day. "This will be the general structure of our days for the first portion of the year. Later on we might expand our time with Chakra theory and the basics of Ninjutsu, but that will depend on my assessment of your skills."

Soton-sensei looks around the room, making sure everyone understands and that none of his students heads have imploded with the information. Satisfied that they are all intact, he nods to himself.

"Now, lets hand out some books. We have a bit time before first break so I'd like you to all write a little about yourself – your likes, your dislikes and your hobbies – which you will then read to the class to help everyone in getting to know each other," Soton-sensei tells them as he turns his back to the class and gathers a stack of work books from the shelves on the left side of the blackboard. He passes them out to the students in the front row who take one and pass them back. "Everyone take a book, you have five minutes."

Raika digs a pen out of her bag and waits for the books to make their way to the back of the room before getting started. Beside her Hana is scribbling furiously, somehow on her second paragraph already by the time Raika has written three words. Iruka is writing diligently on her other side, his motions precise and careful though his writing is still childishly large.

Raika lets out a huff and presses on reluctantly. Writing about herself and public speaking on her first day? Two of the worst things in any life. How many hobbies could they have anyway? It's a class of five year olds – all they do is run around like little energizer bunnies and pick their noses.

With an entirely too adult sigh Raika scratches despondently at the paper, and so begins her first day at school.

Again.

….

Things go well for Raika during her first few months of the Academy though she quickly becomes disenchanted with the idea of attending school for a second time.

The only lessons that she actually pays attention to are Chakra Theory and Taijutsu – the more mundane studies such as maths and science she spends paging through the advanced sections in their chakra textbooks or sneaking glances at the books she brings in from home.

Learning about Chakra is awesome.

It's such a strange concept to her and yet she also knows more about it than most of her classmates, the natural inhabitants of this world.

She listens eagerly when Soton-sensei tells them about how the chakra coils form within the body; small at first, like growths on the major organs that leach off of them until the coils are developed enough to produce chakra – at which point they expand around the organ, still connected but no longer a parasite.

When the chakra coils are enlarged enough to start growing and producing chakra on their own, that's when the chakra pathways open up – and the cause of the god awful itching Raika had endured during her earlier years.

It's mind boggling how such an intricate system could evolve in the body, especially since it just hadn't _existed_ in Raika's old world. It's wild and she wants to learn everything she can about it. How it works, it's effects on the body, how it changes with elemental affinities and anything else in between.

Taijutsu is just as interesting, if for different reasons.

Exercise isn't new to her but in this case previous experience doesn't make it any easier.

Her five year old body doesn't have much strength, it tires easily and leaves her panting and wheezing despite the childish energy that usually allows her to just keep going. Raika is small compared to most of the kids in her class, but only a few of her fellow students manage to complete a day of training without gasping down lungfuls of air afterwards. She reasons that those children had probably begun training to be shinobi the moment they mastered walking, and manages to be only a little jealous of them.

Raika's only consolation is that she's quicker than most, if not all, of her age mates, despite her short legs -years spent chasing kittens was good for something – and still flexible as only little kids can be. Much more than she could ever remember being _before_ _._ Touching her toes is no problem and she can crouch with her feet pressed flat to the floor, which was something that had always eluded her in her other world.

It is still exhausting.

Their extreme P.E lessons take up almost half the day and range from running laps, learning forms and kata to target practice; being taught how to make a fist and throw a punch. How to block and defend and the basics of hand seals.

Raika had -mistakenly- thought she was in good shape in her past life. She had been a keen runner and participated in several marathons – but she can't quite remember ever being as tired as she is after the first few weeks of the Academy.

But exhaustion makes her dreams less frequent, so she pushes herself as hard as her little body can manage. Even when her arms and legs ache from overuse and her head pound and her muscles cramp she doesn't complain.

Things could be worse.

She's getting along swimmingly with Iruka. He's fun and light hearted but not as loud or demanding as the other children in their class. He seems genuinely interested in learning and messing around in equal parts. Raika loved him instantly and is always happy to talk about their lessons with him at break, going over things he doesn't quite grasp or is having trouble with. In return Iruka keeps her grounded. He, along with Hana -with her almost constant chatter and too wide smile – keeps Raika functioning on a social level, playing with the other students and taking part in activities she otherwise would have sat out on.

The adult part of Raika's mind takes it's cues from her two young friends, following their lead in the playground and around the other children.

She skips back and forth between the seemingly shy part of herself that is trying to re-learn how to make friends and being the overly exuberant inner child that bursts out with no warning; reckless and blabbering _every_ thought that comes into her head. Some of it makes her cringe, but she is a child, so instead of the disapproving looks she would have received as an adult, she simply gets a headshake or an exasperated smile.

Memories still surface randomly. It's like re-watching the same episode of F.R.I.E.N.D.S over and over, only not nearly as funny and with much less Matt LeBlanc. The visions play out, skipping in and out of sequence, twisting till she isn't sure which comes first.

Raika is learning slowly to suppress them or at least divert them. By interrupting her own thoughts with something ordinary she can sometimes derail the lapse – usually with snippets of songs or quotes she dredges up from her previous life. But most of the time she still can't control them and ends up staring blankly until her consciousness rushes in.

Iruka asked her about it once, curiosity winning out over cautiousness. Raika had given him a shrug and a vague answer about thinking too much and that it had always been that way. She didn't tell him what she was thinking about when it happened or why, carefully steered clear of that kind of thing. No one was ready for that can of worms to be opened. Especially her.

Iruka - gloriously wonderful child that he was had let it be after that, accepting her weirdness as part of her.

Hana doesn't even notice most of the time. And when she does it's in response to the quiet snatches of song she overhears. Sometimes spoken in English, other times translated in to Japanese but always foreign to the music the Naruto-verse is accustomed to. The blonde girl seems to actually like it, and never presses for reasons as to _why_.

Despite Raika's best efforts the little grinning girl is growing on her.

So she is thankful to Iruka and Hana for putting up with her, despite her unusual countenance. Raika knows her time at the Academy would have been very lonely without the two of them and she realises she's missed having friends. They sit together in class, have lunch together at break and practise together in training.

They even had play dates! Which is embarrassing as all hell.

Ikkaku and Kohari tell Raika she is the most adorable little girl they've ever met -which she has mixed feelings about- when she goes to dinner at Iruka's for the first time. They are almost as lovely as their son and Raika tries very hard not to think about their future and how it effects the little boy she calls friend.

Hana's parents are surprisingly normal, considering.

The Yamada family aren't a big household name in Konoha, which is probably why Raika had never head of them before coming into contact with their youngest child. Much like the Tsugaya clan they are a single family unit, not a sprawling compound like the Uchiha or Hyuga – but they are kind and seem genuinely pleased that their daughter is making friends.

Outside of school it is like Raika's induction into the Academy has elevated her from child status to something not quite adolescent but a peculiar limbo in between. Something more trusted, like the very intention to join the ninja ranks makes her more responsible. Her father still walks her to and from school on the days that he is home but other than that she is left to her own devices.

She isn't even required to stay with Kojima-san while Mugen is out on missions -though she still visits the old lady often. Which seems a bit remiss considering she has to use a footstool to reach the cooker, but she isn't going to complain – it's nice to be able to do her own thing and not have to worry about who's watching.

Except for Hotaru.

The big ginger tom stays at home -unless her father has need of him- to keep an eye on her while Mugen is away, but he's fairly lax with his duties. Though Raika assumes Hotaru reports anything important to her father when he returned, the cat is happy to let her go about her day as she pleases so long as she goes to school and is in bed by half eight.

Raika falls into a routine of waking up, preparing breakfast before heading off to school. Then, depending on how tired she is when she returns home she will do a bit of reading or practice some chakra control for a few hours and then have dinner.

Sometimes she wanders Konoha -with Hotaru in tow, because even a hidden village isn't completely safe- familiarising herself with the layout of the place and noting landmarks that would become important later on. She visits her friends or goes to the park and on one occasion stopped off at Ichiraku ramen out of curiosity. And while it was good food Raika didn't think it was anything to write home about – not that she would ever say that out loud. It was practically blasphemy.

On Fridays she helps Kojima-san with her shopping because her elderly neighbour has trouble getting around due to her hip, and in return the old woman lends her books.

Books of all kinds – from gardening to dance to survival guides. Raika reads whatever she can get her hands on - though some are more interesting than others.

There aren't many books on shinobi history – probably because it isn't actually that old and ninja are annoyingly stingy with their information lest it fall into enemy hands. Which Raika can understand but is still a real pain in the ass.

Raika learns a little about the time before the Five Great Shinobi Countries were formed, which was creatively named the Warring States Period. It seems like everything that happens within the Naruto-verse is in reaction to something someone else did. A violent reaction, nine times out of ten.

Tribes warring against each other for power. One hired ninja, the other hired ninja to defend against the first. The first hired more ninja to combat the collecting shinobi on the other side and on and on it went till finally Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara brokered peace and founded Konoha – which of course prompted the other hidden villages to be formed.

An endless cycle.

There is nothing on Otsutsuki Kaguya, the Sage of Six paths or either of his sons. Raika supposes that that kind of knowledge has faded out of history completely considering how long ago it had happened – that, or the one or two books Kojima-san has on the matter are simply lacking.

Probably the latter.

Still it is interesting and it gives her mind something to go over rather than dwelling on the mind numbing repetition of things she already knows during her school time.

More interesting still is her discovery of the Konoha Library.

It isn't very big by the standards Raika is used to, just an averaged sized building that backs onto the Hokage tower and apparently doubles as a records room of some sort. The civilian sections are open to everyone, but there are areas that are off limits which Raika guesses hold more sensitive shinobi texts and files.

Raika wonders how old she'll have to be to get into there – or failing that how heavily guarded it is. During her few trips she has only ever seen the Librarian and a few younger people sporting Konoha headbands who were probably Genin. She could sneak past Genin. Maybe. Well, probably not but she is more than willing to give it a go.

Food for thought at any rate, and motivation.

Occasionally she visits the memorial where Hikari's name is carved. It's oddly peaceful there and it's a good place to sit and think without interruption – which are many and often in her day to day (read: Hana)

Sitting beside what passes for her mothers grave Raika is alone enough that she can _think_ about what she is going to do with her life.

She has already decided to become a ninja, that's one choice made. The next big thing that's coming would be the Third Shinobi war and there is little and less she can do about that except try not to let herself get kill-

 _-alone, cold-_ "I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky, like a tiger defying-."

The real trouble starts with Obito.

Can she do anything about that? Probably not. She'd been born just a little too early to be much use in that respect. Saving Obito would be easier if Sakumo hadn't already committed suicide – Kakashi wouldn't be such a stickler for the rules and maybe that's enough to change the outcome of things. All it takes is one small thing. Even the tiniest of stone can produce a ripple.

But no, she's too late for that as well and she can't count on Kakashi having a change of heart early on making much of a difference. Worth a shot, but she won't put all her eggs in that basket.

So if she can't save Obito then it will have to be Rin. If Rin doesn't die then Obito doesn't get blinded by his grief and turn into a raving lunatic trying to take over the world whilst unwittingly freeing a vengeful rabbit goddess.

No pressure there.

Will saving either of them do any good? At best it will delay Zetsu's plans for a few years, but he didn't seem like much of a quitter. Eventually he will just come up with something different that Raika won't have any foresight into. Minus Madara, so that's something, but is it enough to risk forfeiting the future she's seen. What good is knowing the future if it changes too much to be of any use? Better the devil you know, right?

But can she justify not trying to save them?

The answer is painfully clear and comes too readily to her mind. Yes, Raika can let both Obito and Rin die for the sake of the timeline she knows. It's dickish to the extreme, but she doesn't really know either of them -both being two years her senior in this world- and it's only in the brief flashbacks and the series finale that their characters had been explored.

They don't _mean_ anything to her, not as much as they probably should have at any rate. And for that she can let them die?

Ugh.

Moral dilemma aside, it's making her brain hurt. Too many variables and not enough information. She needs to know _more_ _._ She needs time. She needs power.

That's something she can work on at least. Carry on with her chakra manipulation – it's slow going but it's something. If she can puzzle out the more practical ways to use it other than just sticking objects to herself then maybe she can try enhancing her muscles with it.

Ninjutsu is out for the moment. Her reserves are probably still too small for anything helpful anyway and it would be too dangerous to try on her own. What would Mugen do it he came back from a mission to find she'd burnt the house down with an attempted Katon?

Taijutsu she can work on though. A strong foundation for fighting is a good start, the rest could come later. Hopefully.

It isn't a plan. Not even close, but it's _something_. It's motivation to do better. She already holds more cards than she's supposed to, there has to be something she can do. Something she can help with until she comes up with a better idea.

Quietly optimistic Raika hopes that maybe it will be enough.

The universe has other plans of course and just as Raika is beginning to fall into the familiar pattern of eat-school-sleep-repeat her life shifts three times in quick succession.

One thing that feels small but is actually very big; one that feels big, but in the scheme of things is actually very small – and one thing that comes out of nowhere, smacks her on the head and changes everything Raika had been plotting.

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 **Thank you all for reading and please let me know what you think! Getting more interaction with characters from now on and should hopefully get the story moving a bit more! Please Review/Follow/Fave as you see fit. Until next time, much love!**


	5. Lessons in Perseverance

**Hello all! Thank you so much for everyone who reviewed last chapter! You guys are awesome, I really appreciate the feedback and look forward to hearing from you all again! Also, thanks to everyone who has followed/ faved the story recently, I hope you guys will let me know what you think of the story so far!**

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 **Edit: Last one, ohmahgad.**

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Chapter Five: Lessons in Perseverance

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The first event doesn't take an immediate effect on Raika's life. She'd been expecting it since her arrival in the Naruto-verse, given the timeline, but she was too young for it to directly influence her day to day.

It was the war, and Raika had known it was coming.

Even without her knowledge of the future there had been signs that things were changing. Nothing too noticeable at first. Mugens more frequent missions that lasted longer and longer with less time in between. The slightly wary look of all the high ranked shinobi, like they knew a storm was on the way and it was only a matter of time before it hit.

Then more pronounced. Merchants complaining about the blocks on travel through Earth country. More and more people coming to the village; Ninja being recalled, Nobles awaiting escorts, Blacksmiths and workmen arrived by the dozen and eventually a trickle of refugees on their way through to a more safer location.

Tension between Earth and Fire had been slowly rising with more conflicts along the borders and trouble with trading. When the Iwa shinobi invaded the smaller nation that housed Kusagakure it was the straw that broke the camels back. As far as Raika knew - which was more than she should have known, but less than she would have liked - the Mizukage and Raikage were keeping their noses out for the moment, while the Kazekage was only interested in making sure fighting between Fire and Earth didn't encroach on Wind territory.

It is announced _officially_ within three months of Raika's enrolment at the Academy, though she has a suspicious feeling the Elemental Nations have been at each other throats for a lot longer than they are letting on.

Hadn't Hikari's team been patrolling the Earth border when she was ki-

 _Distant sirens_ _-_ "I'm in the business of misery, lets take it from the top-"

\- Coincidence, maybe. It explains the prestigious placement of her name on the Memorial – like a medal of honour. A death of purpose. What had the Hokage said? Sacrifice.

It doesn't matter though because despite the seriousness of war, it doesn't really touch the Academy. The other children in her class understand it's bad – not quite as well as Raika does – but it is a distant thing and doesn't involve them. Not now anyway, fresh into the Academy as they are. The end of first term is more interesting and a hell of a lot closer.

The teachers keep everything under control for the most part. Lessons run as normal, homework is given out as usual and so are detentions. School carries on obliviously, which is a nice way of saying it remained boring as all hell.

That isn't to say that they shy away from the oncoming war. Raika and her classmates are shinobi-in-training. They're being taught to kill – not now, admittedly – but that is the build up. They will be killers and they will carry the fate of future battles on their shoulders. Win or lose depends on how prepared they will be, and to be prepared they need to know.

Soton-sensei's lessons shift almost imperceptibly towards fighting. They cover more on tactics, go over battle strategies and discuss formations. Their Taijutsu classes grow more intense and see the children putting what little they have learnt into practice with short sparring matches. They even begin to learn the basics of their first jutsu – a simple clone technique, but it's a start.

Raika doesn't think any of the other kids even really notice the subtle shift in their curriculum. Or maybe they do and just don't care because they are finally learning jutsu - or as Raika still privately calls it, ninja-magic! Either way, they don't seem bothered.

It is the fact of all wars that no one except those fighting on the front lines really feel it until later on when food shortages become a problem, lack of soldiers, supplies, people. Not until the bodies start piling up. When that happens the children in Konoha will understand the gravity of war. When their parents and siblings go out and don't come back, but for now they are happily oblivious. Luckily there isn't -to Raika's limited knowledge - an atomic bomb jutsu to worry about.

The biggest effect it has on Raika -other than the sense of impending doom- is that Mugen is gone more and more, spending weeks away and coming back tired and worn. He still tries to make time for Raika though, which makes her feel suitably terrible because he needs rest more than she needs a trip to the park or a hike in the mountains.

She is fine on her own, it gives her more time to read and plan. But mostly read.

So the war begins, and while Raika is aware of it, it doesn't conflict with her life directly, not right now. It is background noise that she only has to deal with when her father returns, sometimes injured but mostly just exhausted.

And that is that.

The second event is much more immediate in her life.

It begin five months and thirteen days after her first day at the Academy, only a few days after they had returned from their summer break.

Raika is sitting between Hana and Iruka at their usual desk at the back of the room. Her maths text book is open in front of her but she is reading the thin paperback on Elemental Affinities hidden inside it.

Kojima-san had given it to her. The old woman isn't interested in shinobi nonsense as Kojima-san called it - but she likes books and has a wonderful habit of hoarding them even if they are of no relevance to her. She even has a copy of Icha Icha Paradise which Raika is infinitely curious about but has carefully avoided, because that is not something she wants to be caught reading at the tender age of five. Questions would be asked, the Naruto-equivalent of social services would be called. It's a headache she isn't willing to deal with just to sate her curiosity.

She's also a little weirded out by the fact that Kojima-san has it, but Raika isn't going to judge and is certainly not going to spend any more time than she already has dwelling on it. The woman has been a widow for an awfully long time after all, if raunchy romance novels floated her boat then that's her business.

Elemental Affinities, Raika discovers, are unsurprisingly a thousand times more interesting than the basic multiplication they are working on in lessons – and have been working on since before they split up for the summer.

Raika finds it hard to be angry at the constant repetition of such fundamental learning, it's how kids learn and she has to deal with that. But that doesn't mean it isn't frustrating to have to sit through hours of being taught things she already knows when there is so much she _doesn't_ know. More important things. Like how to set people on fire with a few hand seals and a bit of well placed chakra.

So she keeps up the pretence of following the lesson while actually learning something completely different instead. Everyone wins.

Iruka had warned her that she would get in trouble if she was caught, and Raika had agreed with him but done it regardless because she'd rather shave her head bald and dance naked in front of the Hokage Tower than pretend to relearn the four times table again. Or any times tables for that matter. Fuck that.

Soton-sensei has noticed because of _course_ he did. He's a ninja and no student ha probably ever looked at multiplication with as much intensity as Raika is studying her concealed book on affinities. He calls on her to solve the puzzle of four times eight and as usual she is too engrossed doing her own thing to realise until Iruka not so subtly slams his elbow into her upper arm.

"Ow 'Ruka what are you doing I was – oh," She cuts herself off as the scarred boy at her side tilts his head in Soton-sensei's direction, his eyes comically wide in warning. "Sorry sensei, could you repeat the question?"

"Am I boring you, Raika?" He asks, one eyebrow cocked.

Raika hesitates a dangerously long second because while he heart says yes; _hell yes_ _,_ her mind says _shut up and don't say that out loud_. Wisely her head wins because she knows the true answer will only get her in more trouble. So instead she shakes her head and replies with her most earnest, "No sensei."

"Answer the multiplication on the board." Soton-sensei demands in a tone that says he knows she is lying and does not appreciate it in the least. Oops.

"Thirty two." Raika supplies quickly after the briefest of glances.

He watches her for a long minute before continuing on with his lecture, pausing a further two times to call Raika out for not paying attention. The final time he simply orders her to see him after class and then proceeds to ignore her for the rest of the lesson – which is rude but fine with her since she is just getting to the good bit anyway.

Before returning to the section on chakra variation for wide range lightning techniques Raika makes a mental note to figure out how to listen to one thing while being focused on something else. Soton-sensei might be a ninja, but he is catching her out way too often for her liking. If she wants to make a habit of reading other material in class - which she does - then it is a skill worth mastering.

At the end of the class while the rest of the students hurry out the door for first break Raika stays firmly seated at her desk under the watchful eye of Soton-sensei, trying to look at least a little apologetic and failing miserably. Soton-sensei waits until the last of her classmates - a worried looking Iruka and a nosy Hana - have reluctantly slid the door closed behind themselves before turning his attention to her.

"Raika," Soton-sensei begin sternly, using what Raika likes to think of as an adults _'you're fucked'_ voice. "I understand that mathematics is not a subject that everyone enjoys, but it is an integral part of day to day life. While your grades are good at present I've noticed you don't seem to pay attention in most of your lessons – how do you expect to become a competent shinobi if you don't concentrate in class?"

"Yes sensei," Raika starts, scratching the back of her head with what she hopes is a sheepish expression on her face. She very deliberately doesn't mention that her grades aren't just _good_ _._ Even when she isn't paying attention she still manages to average higher than everyone else in the class. "Only, there are a lot more interesting things I could be learning becau-"

"As I said, you may not find these subjects interesting right now," Soton-sensei cuts her off, sounding disappointed. "But they will be invaluable to you in later life."

"I understand that sensei," Raika agrees quickly, nodding solemnly to prove she appreciates the gravity of the situation. Because yes he is right, maths is important for _other_ kids, but for _her_ it's like watching paint dry or doing taxes - mind numbingly boring. "The things is.."

She had decided only a few weeks into her new education that she wouldn't publicise just how much she knew. Raika had planned to do enough to get good marks and leave it at that. Nothing fancy, just an average student. She hadn't factored in how increasingly difficult it would become to sit through lessons re-learning the basics when she could be learning other _new, much more interesting_ things and not run screaming from the room.

Not only that but it is really hard to gauge just how much intelligence is acceptable for a five year old. How much is believable for a child of her age to know? How much does she admit to before they start to question just _where_ she has learnt these things? Raika knows that she is already pretty peculiar, can she afford to draw more attention to herself? The answer to that is a resounding no.

It doesn't help that the Naruto-verse makes weird things possible.

Raika feels like her mind works quicker here, faster than it had _before_ _._ And maybe it does. She knows the rapid rate her brain collates information isn't normal for her own world, is more that just prior knowledge of another life. Thoughts seem to process faster, she retains information for longer, require less time to memorise things.

There are a hell of a lot more geniuses and prodigies here than in her own world too. Is it chakra that increases their learning ability? The fact that they are encouraged to be independent from such an early age, forcing them to absorb knowledge quicker? Something hinky in the water?

More questions she doesn't have the answers too.

"The thing is," She repeats as she takes a deep breath. Start small, she thinks to herself, baby steps. "Maths is actually pretty easy."

"Easy?" Soton-sensei echoes back flatly. Predictably unconvinced.

"Yeah, I think I've got it already." Raika tells him and then fights back a wince. Oops. Probably a little too blasé there, she decides. Careful now.

"You're telling me you've already learnt your four times table?" He asks and Raika frowns, wondering how best to word that she knows _all_ the times tables. Probably everything on the Academy syllabus to boot. Nothing convincing springs to her mind.

"And the others too." She explains simply, while inwardly cursing herself and wondering what happened to baby steps, damn it!

"All of them?" Soton-sensei says sceptically. Raika hesitates a beat then nods. In for a penny, in for a pound. "Alright Raika, what are three sixes?"

"Eighteen." Raika replies instantly.

"Seven Eights," Soton-sensei questions.

"Fifty six."

"Twelve twelves."

"One hundred and forty four."

Soton-sensei lets out a breath like an annoyed balloon deflating and considers her for a second. "Sixteen by twenty two."

Raika pauses and scrunches her face up in thought, shuffling some numbers around in her head before announcing, "Three hundred fifty two."

They stare at each other in silence. Raika feels like she should look away under his assessing gaze, her cheeks growing warm, but she makes herself hold. Thirty seconds passed, forty, a minute. Was it too much? Damn it, she'd said too much. Another ten seconds passed, "Where did you learn that?"

Raika gives a non-committal shrug and fixes a haven't-got-a-clue look on her face, "Maths just makes sense to me, you know?"

Soton-sensei returns to being the infuriating mute for another awkward minute before asking, "Your father's home from missions at the moment, isn't he?"

Not sure what that had to do with maths but glad to be moving on from the silence, Raika answers with a nod.

"He picks you up from school, doesn't he?" she gives another nod. "Okay. You can go but I want to see you after school today with Tsugaya-san, understand?" Soton-sensei asks with a frown, perhaps worried that, while she can handle multiplication she will be floored by such a simple question.

"Yes sensei." Raika nods, filled with a terrible sense of foreboding as her teacher stands and makes his way back to his desk without another word.

Raika glances at the clock and sees there is only ten minutes of break left. She wonders if there is any point in going out? The answer to which she decides is yes, because if she doesn't Soton-sensei is going to think she's even stranger than he already does. How many five year olds give up break time to sit in an almost empty classroom and read? None, that's how many.

Pushing to her feet with a sigh, Raika glances at Soton-sensei who is already seated back behind his desk, scribbling away and ignoring her. She beats a hasty retreat.

Unsurprisingly Iruka and Hana are waiting for her outside the Academy entrance, eyes wide when they spot her strolling over. Raika is a little amazed they hadn't tumbled in when she had opened the classroom door - Iruka might not be the type for eavesdropping on his own, but pressing an ear up against a door to hear what is being said inside has Hana written all over it – and it's the kind of thing the blonde girl can quite easily convince their young scarred friend into doing.

"There she is!" Hana points unnecessarily, swatting at Iruka's arm as Raika ambles towards them. "Raika-chan! What happened?"

"We tried to wait for you in the hall but Akira-sensei made us leave," Iruka says, pulling a face which Raika mirrors. Ah, so that was why.

Akira-sensei is a teacher to one of the upper classes and is quite terrifying, even for Raika, who had survived Geography with Mrs Whittles all through Secondary. She thought she was immune to intimidating teachers by now. It is not a pleasant surprise to find out that she is apparently just as susceptible as her two friends.

Iruka says, "I told you you'd get in trouble." He manages to not sound to smug about in - which Raika isn't sure she could have done in his place - just resigned to being friends with an idiot.

"I know," Raika grumbles, though she isn't really sure if she is actually in trouble. The five year old in her says that yes, being held back at break by the teacher is bad. Being asked to stay after school is worse and adding her father into the mix is practically Armageddon.

"Soton-sensei wants to see my dad after school," Raika tells them as calmly as she can, to gauge a reaction. It's kind of amusing to see their eyes go wide with worry, even if part of her feels the same. She squashes it down. She's an adult, damn it! "It's no big deal."

Apparently it is a big deal to five year olds.

Hana immediately goes into hysterics about losing her friend. About how Raika is going to get detention. She is going to get kicked out of the academy. Expelled. Disowned. Forced to leave the village.

Logically Raika knows none of that is likely to happen – well, maybe the detention part, but the rest is horse shit. What kind of teacher punishes a student for being too smart? It isn't like they'll kick her out of the academy for wanting to learn, right? And hadn't Naruto done all sorts of crap and still been allowed to graduate?

Raika shakes her head. All because she can't keep her big mouth shut and put up with a bit of basic maths.

"It'll be fine," Raika assures again, hoping they'll drop it. They don't. If anything Hana doubles her efforts and begins predicting Raika's untimely death as a exiled hobo. After a full minute in which the blonde haired girl goes into great detail about just _how_ she is going to die, Raika decides it's time for another one of her blindingly brilliant distractions. "Come on, we've still got a little break left, lets go play."

And play they do, though Hana continues her predictions as to how Raika will be punished, getting more and more elaborate and unlikely until even Iruka is grinning and laughing at her outlandish comments by the time break finishes.

The rest of the day goes by quickly, except for Taijutsu practice which remains a slow torture of failed press ups, aborted lunges and stitch-filled laps around the training hall. Hana is still talking about how much trouble Raika is going to get in, and how nice it has been to be friends with her for the short time they have known each other. Raika stopped listening after the other girl suggested she could join the circus, about three hours previously.

When it's finally time to leave Raika is convinced that if Hana fails as a shinobi she will make an excellent actress. The kid's good with drama. She's also giving Raika a headache, which, when added to her sore muscles from training make the prospect of returning home to crash on her bed almost too wonderful.

Except she can't go home yet.

Her father is waiting where he always waits, by the tree with the lone swing hanging sadly from one of it's limbs. Mugen pushes away from the tree as she meanders over to him, a smile on his face.

"Hey kit, ready to go?" He asks, extending a hand to her which she takes automatically. Mugens hand engulfs Raika's and she idly runs a thumb over one of the more pronounced scars that snakes across his knuckles like a thick pale worm.

The 'yes' is almost out of her mouth before she can stop it, but Raika locks it reluctantly behind her teeth and grumbles out a despondent "No," then begins tugging her dad back towards the Academy. "Gotta talk to Soton-sensei."

"Oh?" Mugen questions in surprise, eyebrows raising to his hairline, but Raika doesn't elaborate.

She isn't overly surprised to see Soton-sensei standing beside the doors, watching her and Mugen approach. Of course he doesn't trust a kid to tell their parents when they're in trouble. Ignoring the summons might have seen her safe for the day but it would have put her in worse predicament later on. Most children aren't in the habit of seeing the big picture though, so no doubt the younger students usually take the first chance they get to leg it.

"Good afternoon Tsugaya-san," Soton-sensei greets warmly once Raika has come to a stop beside him, her father following in her wake. "I wanted to talk with you for a little while, if you're not in a hurry?"

"No, it's fine," Mugen says with a carefully blank voice. "Is something wrong?"

"Not precisely. Please, come with me." Soton-sensei says as he turns back into the Academy. Mugen steps up beside him and Raika is dragged along behind, her fathers hand too tight around hers to offer any chance of escape.

They return to Raika's classroom in good time, where Soton-sensei hands her a few sheets of paper that turn out to be tests and asks her to work her way through them while he speaks with her father. Mugen simply makes a shooing motion with his hands which earns him an annoyed pout and a huff in return.

Raika grumbles all the way back to her desk and takes up her regular seat out of habit, frowning down at the two shinobi who move to the front of the room and out of earshot.

They are speaking in suspiciously low tones, almost whispering, voices inaudible from her place on the back row. Raika squints down at them and tries to read their lips – which she quickly realise isn't going to work after she translates the first words out of Soton-sensei's mouth as 'No tortoise likes art.' She gives it up as a bad job and makes another mental note to look into learning to lip read at some point in the future.

Frustrated and annoyed at herself, Raika sets to work on the tests. Sinking into the mathematics problems like they're a warm bubble bath – easing her mind with their predictable patterns and equations.

It takes little over fifteen minutes for her father and Soton-sensei to finish their talk, still too quiet for Raika to eavesdrop on, even with her attempt at enhancing her hearing with chakra – which ends up not working _and_ leaving her with a dull ringing in her ears that lasts just long enough to make her worry that she's done permanent damage to her ear drum.

Finally the two adults stroll casually up to where Raika is still toiling away over her papers, acting for all the world like they haven't just had a secret meeting about her. Assholes.

"Come on kit, time to get home." Mugen tells her with a smile that seems genuine. That's probably good, Raika decides, her father wouldn't be grinning if he thought they were going to bounce her from the Academy.

Raika frowns up at him though, "But I'm not finished."

"These were just to keep you out of trouble while I talked to your sensei, leave them and lets go." Mugen explains, eyes flicking to the tests and away again. He snatches up her backpack from where it's leaning against her chair and slings it over his shoulder – which looks ridiculous on his large frame.

"Oh," Raika lets out, still frowning. If they'd just wanted a way to keep her occupied she could have been reading instead of working her way through a mess of algebraic formulas. "Well, that's kind of waste of time, but okay," She just can't help herself, can she? "Uh, see you tomorrow Soton-sensei."

"Goodbye Raika. Thank you for your time Tsugaya-san." Soton-sensei says in farewell as Raika follows her father out of the room. She doesn't see her teacher glancing over the tests she had completed, nor the thoughtful look on his face as he gathers them up and carries them back to his desk.

...

Nothing else happens for a few days.

Raika still reads her own books in class and while Soton-sensei definitely notices he doesn't say anything. Iruka continues to make little nervous noises of protest whenever he spots her sliding _Elemental Affinities_ or _A Comprehensive Guide to Chakra Pathways_ between the pages of their various text books and Hana still acts like a complete fucking weirdo.

So everything is normal.

Until the beginning of the next week when Raika, along with Iruka and Hana, stroll into class for the new day, taking their seats while they wait for the rest of the class to filter in.

"Do you want to come to dinner tomorrow, Raika-chan?" Hana asks once they are comfortable.

Raika scratches the soft spot behind her jaw and shrugs, "Sure, dad's still away so it'll be nice to eat with someone other than Hotaru for a change. I'm getting sick of eating fish anyway."

"Great! Will you come too, Iruka-kun?" Hana asks, turning to the boy, whom she receives a nod from in reply. "I'll let my parents know you're coming! We can go straight from school if you want, or do you want to go to the park first? Someone broke one of the bars on the climbing frame, I saw it the other day but -"

Hana cuts herself off, which is strange enough that it makes Raika look up - to see if something shiny has distracted her, only to find Soton-sensei standing silently beside their desk like an eavesdropping statue.

"Morning sensei." Iruka pipes politely, smiling up at him.

"Good morning Iruka, Hana, Raika. I trust you all had a good weekend?" Soton-sensei questions, returning the smile. They nod and then have to listen to a three minute run down of Hana's days off before Soton-sensei can speak again. "That sounds wonderful Hana," He even sounded like he meant it, "Raika, gather your things and follow me, please."

"Did I do something wrong?" Raika asks, her eyebrows drawing down into a confused frown. It probably says more about her than she's willing to admit that her first thought when approached by a figure of authority is that she's in some form of trouble.

"No, nothing wrong," Soton-sensei tells her reassuringly, though she doesn't feel overly reassured. "Didn't your father speak to you?"

"He's on a mission. What was he supposed to speak to me about?" Raika asks, starting to feel suspicious. There are a few other students watching now and while Raika doesn't want for this to turn into a scene, she totally isn't above it.

There's nothing worse than not knowing.

"Ah I see. Come with me and I'll explain." Soton-sensei smiles.

Raika scowls and debates digging her heels in like the child she is. Realistically she knows it can't be anything _too_ bad, otherwise her father definitely would have mentioned it – hopefully. That is reason enough to see where this is going, but it doesn't mean she has to like it.

"Okay," She agrees after a moment of quiet deliberation. She stands and tucks her chair under the desk then gave her companions a smile, "See you guys in a bit."

Raika hurriedly shoves her things into her bag and slings it over her shoulder before making her way to the door where Soton-sensei is already waiting. He tells the rest of the class that he'll only be a minute and to _behave_ _–_ which in a room full of five year olds is like asking the sun not to shine – and motions her out the door.

She steps out into the corridor and Soton-sensei follows behind, sliding the door shut with a clap that sounds distinctly final to Raika's ear. Behind the closed door the noise level is already starting to rise.

"I'm sure you're wondering what's going on. Don't worry, like I said before you aren't in trouble," Soton-sensei repeats again. "You're a smart girl Raika and we both know you've not had any trouble with the work we're doing in class."

Raika nod because it didn't seem like he requires her verbal agreement.

"After speaking with your father and showing a few of the other teachers your tests we've all agreed that you need something a little more challenging," Her sensei admits as they walk, Raika taking three strides for every one of his. "And as such, we've decided to move you up a grade."

Her steps falter and she blinks away her confusion as what he just said processes through her mind.

It makes sense, in a way. There isn't much use wasting time teaching her stuff she already knows, and if they think moving her up a class will be more beneficial then it really is the smart thing to do.

It's unexpected though. Moving kids into upper classes wasn't done very often in Raika's old world - not to her at least. If anything it was more likely that you'd be held back, instead of advanced. The thought hadn't even occurred to her – but things are very different here, a fact she still hasn't reconciled herself to.

In the Naruto-Verse, kids aren't just kids. They're soldiers, bred for battle and trained for war. Real geniuses like Kakashi and Itachi graduated the Academy within a year, and if nothing else that proves the Shinobi world doesn't make exceptions for age. Raika isn't a prodigy though – she just has the advantage of experience.

She catches up with Soton-sensei after two hurried leaps and considers her response.

It doesn't seem like they care much about her opinion, considering they hadn't even asked if she wants to move or not, but that doesn't mean she can't give it. It's pointless of course and won't change anything other than to soothe her own pride at having decisions made for her. Which isn't really worth it in the long run. Instead Raika focuses on what it will actually mean for her as a ninja in training.

"My new class will be more advanced with Taijutsu and Ninjutsu, won't they?" Raika ponders aloud. She isn't worried about the other lessons too much. Chakra is the only academic thing she might need to swat up on, but Raika has plenty of practice with pulling all nighters from a previous life where deadlines snuck up without warning. There'd be less coffee and energy drinks involved here, but if necessary she could substitute them with the child equivalent; enough candy to turn anyone in the immediate vicinity into a diabetic.

"Yes, they will be, but not by much. You're already almost half way through your first year so you have at least a basic understanding of Taijutsu forms," Soton-sensei confirms as they move. "From what I've seen of your chakra control you're probably on par with this year group, perhaps a little more advanced even. Your father told me you've been practising primary chakra management since you were fairly young?"

Raika nods again and tries not to feel uncomfortable about having people talk about her behind her back. Too much attention is never a good thing. Not for her at least.

"That will make your transition into the next year easier. A lot of the ninjutsu techniques you'll be learning are also a base for chakra control. You already have a strong start in that respect, I believe you can catch up if you work hard." Soton-sensei answers as they stop beside a closed door.

Without waiting to see if Raika has anything else to say her teacher raps his knuckles on the door frame, twice in quick succession and steps back. It opens a second later to reveal a man Raika knows to be one of the second year teachers. "Raika, this is Seichi-sensei. You'll be studying with him from now on."

And just like that she is bumped up to the next year. No warning, no preparation, not even paper work to fill out -at least not for her. It's all very sudden and not entirely welcome but Raika knows she has pretty much bought it on herself.

"I understand, thank you Soton-sensei," Raika say quickly, remembering her manners. She gives her now ex-teacher a bow and suppresses a sigh as he waves goodbye, returning to his own class -who are probably climbing the walls by now.

"Ah, Raika, please come in," Seichi-sensei offers kindly, sweeping his hand in a curve to motion her into the room. Raika does as she's told and steps over the threshold, trying not to fidget as all eyes turn to rest on her. "Class, this is Tsugaya Raika, she'll be joining us for the rest of the year. Please make her feel welcome."

"I look forward to working with you all." Raika lies, making herself meet every eye around the room. It doesn't make her feel any better about being the new kid, but hopefully they don't know that.

Seichi-sensei directs her up the left aisle to take a seat. The class is full, so there are no actual spaces at the desks, just a chair pulled up at the edge of one, beside a girl with red stars on her round cheeks.

Raika gives the girl a smile as she sits and receives a tentative one in reply, but there isn't time for introductions. Seichi-sensei dives straight into the first lesson – which is maths, annoyingly.

Within ten minutes of the lesson starting Raika is already bored. She settles herself back in her chair and resigns herself to the fact that it probably isn't going to get any better – and now she doesn't even have Iruka and Hana to cheer her up.

….

Raika doesn't think it will hurt too much when the small fist collides with her jaw – but holy fuck is she wrong.

She drops to the floor with a thud, one hand out to brace herself against the training mat and the other pressing the side of her face where she's be hit. Her cheek is throbbing painfully, warm under her fingers and almost certainly going to bruise by tomorrow.

The pain fades slowly and when Raika finally looks up she isn't surprised to see her opponent – Fukuda Gozen – standing a few feet away with a grin on his stupid little face.

The kid's an asshole and has decided since day one of Raika's ascension into year two that it's his own personal mission to make her life a living hell. And credit where credit is due - even she has to admit that he's doing a pretty good job of it.

Having never been bullied before – the only advantage of being completely plain and too boring to bother with in her first life – it is an unwelcome addition to her second. Gozen picks on her for _everything._ He bullies her for her small size, her accent, her hair colour, her cleverness – and in the same breath mocks her for being stupid, weak, a loser and friendless.

He's right on the last point if not the others.

She is on speaking terms with Akimichi Narumi, the girl whom Raika shares a desk with -three months in and she still doesn't have her own space- and a smattering of other students – but she doesn't have friends.

Her new class had been together for over a year and a half before she joined. They have their own friendship groups and a hierarchy that Raika isn't a part of. She's just the weird kid from the kiddie class, which, when added to the fact that Gozen has singled her out, effectively isolates Raika from everyone else who doesn't want to risk the bullies wrath.

If not for the fact that first and second year classes share break times Raika would be completely alone during her school hours. Luckily Iruka and Hana haven't forsaken her for leaving them behind and they still play and have lunch together.

Oh – another thing Gozen bullies her for. Eating lunch with the babies.

It doesn't matter that he is only a year older than Raika is. He's bigger, stronger and meaner – which apparently is everything he needs.

All the old sayings like _'they're just doing it for attention!'_ and _'don't react, it's what they want!'_ or _'ignore them, they'll soon stop!'_ fall a little flat where Gozen is concerned. He might be doing it for attention but ignoring him doesn't help, if anything it makes things worse. He doesn't stop and he isn't above putting hands on her when he doesn't get the reaction he wants.

She made the mistake of trying to talk to him like an adult, trying to reason with him or find out _why_ he was bullying her. Maybe he was having trouble at home? Or at school? Maybe he needed help and was lashing out at her.

Apparently asking your bully if they're directing their own frustrations at life into hurting other people is a good way to get kicked in the shins, as she found out.

Raika has lost count of the number of times he has yanked her hair, hard enough to pull out clumps. Or how many times he's pinched her. Or kicked her. Or upended her backpack. Or stolen her things.

The list is slowly growing. He finds new ways to torment her each day, and the worst part is that he gets away with it.

The teachers at the Academy don't seem to want to interfere. When Raika approaches Seichi-sensei about it he tells her that if she can't handle a bully then she how does she expect to become a good shinobi? She goes to Soton-sensei, who tells her that she's a _smart girl_ and that she'll _figure it out_. Out of desperation she even asks for help from Akira-sensei, who has the worst answer out of all the teachers.

"Boys pick on girls they like, it's a compliment." The man tells her with a smile, like he really believes it.

Raika debates showing him the fist sized bruise on her shoulder where the boy punched her, or the newest bald patch on her head where he had ripped out a clump of her hair. She thinks about showing him the torn pages and scuffed corners of her text books where they had been thrown across the playground that morning and asking just _where_ the compliment is, exactly?

But she doesn't do any of those things. Instead she curls her lip, gathers up all the disgust her five year old body can hold and levels him with a look that actually makes him take a step back.

She doesn't ask for help again after that.

"Are you done already, little baby?" Gozen taunts from above her, bringing her back to the spar and the pain in her jaw that has turned into a dull ache.

Raika runs her tongue over her teeth and pushes to her feet, taking a step back because she knows from experience that Gozen doesn't always wait for his opponent to get back on their feet before he attacks again.

She remains silent and falls back into her ready stance, which is more than enough to make the older boy to rush forward.

Gozen is a lot stronger than Raika. Which isn't exactly hard. She's shorter and weaker than him, but she's faster. Four out of five times he can't even hit her in sparring – but when he does he makes sure it hurts.

When he is only two feet away from her, drawing his fist back for another punch, Raika side steps and hooks her foot around his. Gozen's momentum topples him, but it also makes Raika stumble, not enough to fall but enough that she can't right herself and take advantage of the opening she created. Despite how hard she's been pushing to get better, three months in the second grade just isn't enough for her to have a proper grasp on the way a body moves or reacts during a fight.

Another thing she needs to work on.

Gozen is growling when he climbs back to his feet, an angry look on his face. He's always angry when she evades him. Raika thinks he should have gotten used to it by now, but apparently he doesn't take losing well – something she has learned the hard way. He more than makes up for any missed strikes during the rest of the school day though.

They repeat the process a few more times, Gozen swinging and kicking while Raika dances out of his way. She manages to score a hit, but Gozen doesn't even seem to feel it and for the next two swings she ducks his follow up punch catches her in the stomach and makes her gag.

At six Gozen doesn't have much technique to his attacks – which Raika is infinitely grateful for - and he's no Taijutsu prodigy. In fact he's probably only scraping average, but that's enough against Raika. His fighting style consists of throwing out punches with as much force behind them as he can muster and hoping for the best. Inelegant, but annoyingly effective when Raika's own technique is to run away whenever possible.

Thankfully Seichi-sensei calls an end to the lesson before Gozen can take full advantage of her undefended body and pummel her into the ground.

They're supposed to bow to each other after a spar or use the seal of reconciliation to show there is no animosity – but with Gozen all Raika feels is animosity. He never offers anyway, and she wouldn't have trusted the gesture even if he had.

Raika straightens up, wheezing slightly and is just in time to jerk back as Gozen's hand grasps for her hair. She thinks she's gotten away, just out of his reach, when his fingers snag in the tips of hair and he tugs several blue strands free, making her wince.

It _hurts_ _._ It always hurts, but she won't give him the satisfaction of admitting it. Besides it didn't hurt as much as-

 _A starless sky and a dark road, icy wind_

Raika shakes her head to clear it, blinking the darkness from her eyes.

"-such a freak." Gozen is saying as he flicks his fingers, trying to shrug off the fine hairs that are tangled around them. He ends up using his other hand to pull them away and angrily throws them in her direction where they swirl harmlessly to the floor. With a snarl Gozen barges past her, bashing her with his shoulder. "Get out of my way."

Turning with him - it's never a good idea to let Gozen into her blind spot - Raika makes sure he's actually leaving before she curls around her stomach, groaning. It's probably just some light internal bruising – but maybe she can play it up a little and stay home?

No.

Raika pushes that thought down and straightens slowly from her slump, feeling pathetic. She's a grown woman being bullied by a six year old and there's nothing she could do about it. The answer to bullying has always been to tell someone about it, to get help – but what was she supposed to do after she'd tried that, and it had only made her feel more useless.

Deep down Raika knows she only had two options.

Either she puts up with it and allows Gozen to carry on picking on her – or she finds a way to stop him for good. The problem is that she can probably stop him once, but he will come back. He always comes back, like a persistent mould with fists. If she fights back it will have to be with something that will make sure he never touches her again, and she just isn't strong enough for that kind of retaliation. Yet.

So what's the point in trying to stand up for herself when she knows it won't get any better?

With a snort of disgust Raika heads out of the training hall, feeling dejected and more than a little sorry for herself.

Once Seichi-sensei has dismissed them for the day Raika grabs her things, pulled her coat tight around herself and hurries from the classroom. She makes it out of the Academy doors in record timing, cast a quick glance over to the now leafless tree to see if her father is waiting for her – he isn't – and sets off quickly.

Like all good bullies, Gozen has a posse of equally mean and annoying cohorts who like to terrorize the other first and second year students with him. Raika is their favourite target, but not their only one, which means that if she gets away quickly they'll pick on someone else for a change.

The adult in her cringes at that. It's selfish and horrible, sending someone else to the headsman to avoid the axe herself, but the five year old in her says better them then her. She takes a beating every day, let someone else play punching bag for a while.

Raika has just reached the gate when she hears, "There she is!" shouted from somewhere behind her. She squashes down the impulse to scream every curse word she knows at the top of her lungs - because there are a _lot_ of parents and teachers around, and at least four of those curses will get her a week of detentions at the least. She debates just bursting into tears and hoping one of the adults will come over to see what's wrong – maybe take pity on her and walk her home – but then Gozen will know how much he's getting to her, and that just isn't going to happen.

Instead Raika pulls the straps of her backpack tighter and bolts.

...

After spending an ungodly amount of time hiding in an uncomfortably prickly bush and freezing her ass off, Raika manages to sneak round the back of her house and vault the wall while Gozen and his cronies stalk back and forth out the front, arguing about which direction she has gone in.

They don't come onto the property, which is a small mercy. It's like playing a very violent game of 'IT', anywhere else in the village is fair game, but within the walls of her home she is free of them.

Once inside the Tsugaya family home Raika shrugs the backpack off her shoulders and leans against the door. It's warmer inside and much like Gozen, the cold November wind can't breach the walls. A relieved sigh escapes her. Then Raika immediately feels angry at herself for feeling relieved. She shouldn't have to feel so happy about getting home safely, damn it!

With a shout of pure frustration she launches her backpack across the open courtyard where it lands with a thump a few metres away, throwing up dust as it does so. She follows it, stalking out and giving it a kick for good measure, which ends up hurting her toes and not alleviating any of her rage.

That only makes her angrier.

Funnelling chakra haphazardly to her foot Raika gives the rucksack another kick. This time it sails through the air, smashes _through_ the panelling of the kitchen doors and crashes into the pan cupboard with a noise not unlike two marching bands colliding together.

Not that Raika sees any of it because the moment her foot connects with the bag her leg spasms, buckling and dropped her to the floor where she lies in a frustrated heap.

Then her foot cramps.

"FUCK OFF!" She yells furiously at her own leg, loud enough that even the practically deaf Kojima-san has probably heard it from two doors down.

Raika doesn't care. Tears gather in the corners of her eyes as she tries to massage the ache out of her toes which is quickly turning into pins and needles, racing all up and down her leg.

Her reward for improperly moulded chakra and poorly channelled frustration.

Raika sighes in defeat, her rage dwindling away as quickly as it had come. She scrubs a hand through her hair -ignoring how patchy it feels in places- and carefully picks herself up. When her leg doesn't instantly fold beneath her she takes a tentative step and breathes a sigh of relief that there is no lasting damage other than a god awful ache.

The red dirt of the courtyard clings to her like metal filings on a magnet and stubbornly refuses to be dusted off no matter how many times Raika pats herself down. After the third attempt she gives up.

"I need a holiday," Raika mutters quietly to herself, shaking her head as she turns toward the kitchen to see what damage she has done with her backpack-turned-cannonball. "And a long, hot bath."

* * *

 **And here we see that Raika is a complete and utter wet bag and has no idea how to deal with bullies. This chapter and the next one were all supposed to be in one but it got too long so I chopped it off here. Hope you guys like it, please review/follow/favourite as you see fit. Much love.**


	6. Lessons in Endurance

**Ahhh, thank you so much to everyone who reviewed last chapter! It was really interesting to read your thoughts and feelings on Raika's bully situation, and even that some of you can relate to it. I'm not sure if you guys get notifications when chapters get updated, so if you do I apologise for the spam - I've been changing the previous chapters to present tense, because I wrote this chapter and annoyingly found that it seems to flow better.**

 **As always, I'd love to hear what you think of it! Reviews are my lifeline. Thank you to everyone who has followed/faved the story, it means a lot to me! Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter Six: Lessons in Endurance

.

Raika awakes with a scream that sends half a dozen cats scattering to the corners of her room, their reflective eyes glaring back at her from the gloom as she pushes herself into a sitting position.

"Shit," Raika manages around a shaky sigh, running a hand through her hair which catches several knots on its way. She teases them out, carefully, slowly. Her skin feels cold, damp with sweat and uncomfortably sticky against the sheets that have twisted around her during the night.

For a few minutes Raika focuses on nothing more than the physical motions of extracting herself from the bedding, distracting and pushing the dream down into the darkest corners of her mind. Once she is free of the sheets and the nightmare is safely squashed she can think again. She steadies her breathing, reining it back into a steady rhythm.

In, hold, out. In, hold, out. Normal. Everything is normal.

The little short haired brown cat that Raika has taken to calling Midori - because of his bright green eyes - leaps nimbly up onto her bed, nudging her with gentle but insistent headbutts until she relents and scratches behind his ears. His rude awakening apparently forgiven in favour of head scratches.

They aren't summons, these cats, just random felines off the streets – pets and strays – that are, for some reason, drawn to the Tsugaya house. Raika has no idea how they all manage to slink into her room each evening, there are no cat flaps or gaps for them to squeeze through, as far as she knows. They just turn up during the night like fluffy teleporters with fleas.

"Don't think I'll be getting back to sleep again tonight," She tells the cat, who purrs loudly in acknowledgement and flops down into her lap. Raika strokes Modori as her gaze wanders to the clock on her bedside table and she can't stop the loud groan that slips out of her mouth when the display reads four oh four am. "Or this morning, I guess."

There isn't much use in lying in bed and watching the room grow lighter, Raika decides, feeling an uncommon urge to get up and _move_. A restless body to fit her restless mind.

Midori lets out an indignant meow of protest as she scoops him up and out of her lap, depositing him elsewhere on the bed. Then she swings her legs out over the side of the bed, touches down on the floor for one second, hisses like a pan boiling over, and quickly pulls her legs back under the warmth of the covers. The need for motion overruled in favour of heat, at least for the moment.

Konoha is fucking freezing in the winter.

Raika has had that same thought every morning for the past month or so since November faded and December reared it's ugly head, dragging flurries or snow and biting winds in it's wake. The worst kind of weather, in Raika's opinion.

Give me heat waves and summer sun any day, she thinks.

The good news is that the Academy breaks up for the end of second term in only four days. That means Raika can get away from the pint sized terror that is Gozen, which will be a blessing. She is tired of having to plan her route home to avoid bullies. Tired of hiding whenever she sees them. Tired of the bruises and the hair pulling.

Just tired.

But with the upcoming break she can stay curled up under a mountain of blankets with a stack of books, surrounded by cats, and not have to move until the new year.

Perfect.

The bad news of course, is that she has, in her infinite wisdom, signed herself up for the Kunoichi classes that run over the course of the break; and in doing so has screwed herself out of the chance for a warm, reclusive winter holiday.

Less perfect.

Even worse is the fact that she has _missed_ the previous set of lessons because no one thought to tell her they were a thing. From the show Raika assumed they were mandatory, that the classes would begin later in the year or be offered as an after school club or something of the like. That turned out not to be the case. The sessions were free, all that was required was to sign the entrance sheet and turn up.

Well, at least she hopes they are free.

Hana, being Raika's only real female friend and a native in the Naruto-Verse, had failed to mention attending Kunoichi classes during first break – or ever for that matter. Mugen is absent too much to be of any help in school affairs – he doesn't even know about the bullying she has been suffering though. Not that Raika plans to tell him, half afraid he will give the same useless lines her teachers had. She can accept that from them, but not from her father.

Her mother probably would have -

 _Tears blur_ \- "I can show you the world! Shining shimmering -"

Midori tilts his head to the side at her outburst, ears twisting, and gives her a look that clearly says she's one sandwich short of a picnic, but Raika ignores him. She isn't going to take sanity lessons from a creature that spent two hours watching dust moats the previous morning.

When she signed up for the classes Raika spent a few minutes badgering Tamiko-sensei -who was the ninja in charge of the classes- and figured out that she had missed an introduction on flower arranging and the properties of various plants native to the land of Fire during their first break.

It isn't a _huge_ problem. During her summers with her father after Hikari's death Raika learned a fair bit about the plants that inhabited her homeland. Would she have liked to have gone to the classes? Sure, but there probably isn't much they could have taught her in Kunoichi lessons that she couldn't have learnt from a book, so it isn't the end of the world.

With another sigh and a gurgle from her stomach, Raika hardens her resolve and once again removes Midori, and Kin – who at some point during her internal musings also decided the bed was warmer than the floor and crept back up- from her lap, and got up.

It takes four steps from Raika's bed to her wardrobe for all the heat in her body to leach out through her feet, setting her teeth chattering as goose bumps prickle across her skin.

Raika notes that by the time she has shrugged out of her pyjamas and tugged on the warmest clothes she owns all of the cats have migrated back to their places on her bed, purring and needing the covers to make themselves more comfortable, sprawled out in the space she has just vacated.

"You guys shouldn't be cold, you've got fur," Raika reminds them as she shivers her way to the door, half debating just getting back into bed even if she won't be able to get to sleep. She shakes her head, knowing it isn't worth the effort of dislodging the cats. "I'm going to get breakfast if anyone is hungry?"

The light grey tom that Raika hasn't named because of the collar he wears -obviously marking him as someone else's - looks up. He watches her for a long second as if debating the idea of food then dismisses her and goes back to licking his paws. None of the other cats even bother to glance in her direction.

"Fine." Raika huffs, ignoring the way her hands shake as she slides the door open and steps out into the cold hall. She makes sure to close it fully behind her – last time it was left open she'd returned to find one of the little furballs had scratched the wooden frame to hell trying to get it closed again.

Even cats don't like draughts, apparently.

Raika heads to the kitchen, her thoughts reaching to latch on to something, anything other than her dream as she ambles through the cold quiet house which is starting to get dusty with it's lack of occupants.

Raika's daily routine sees her visiting only three rooms frequently; her own – which is where she spends most of her time – the kitchen and the bathroom.

The family room is perpetually empty. The Tsugaya clan had been small when Hikari had been with them, without her they made a pathetic family unit, and with Mugen away so much it was really just Raika on her own. Anything she could do in the family room could be done in her room, so the living space fell into disuse.

Mugen's room had been transformed into the central napping centre to another collection of cats - the ones that aren't able to fit on Raika's bed. So his room was slowly filling with cat hair and dust too.

When he returned two weeks past her father had accepted his fluffy room mates without protest and, as he always did during his brief visits home, spent whatever free time was available to him with Raika.

He didn't waste time with cleaning.

He'd gone again. Two days ago now, leaving the house empty of his annoyingly loud laugh along with all the other sounds that people make just by living. She'd started noticing the dripping tap in the kitchen again, and the creaky floorboards, and sound the wind made when it howled around the courtyard.

Raika had long since decided that whoever scheduled when the active shinobi returned to the village has planned it perfectly to fuck up her coping system. When Mugen left he always took Raika's inner peace at being on her own with him. His time between missions paced far enough apart that as soon as she started to reconcile herself to the quiet of the empty house he returns, just long enough to remind her of how isolated she is, then he is off again.

She can't say anything without making her father feel awful – and in fairness there isn't really much he could do - but it is painfully lonely without him. Raika thought she would be fine living on her own – she'd done it before with no trouble – but her social circle had been much larger then, and her family were always within travelling distance.

Here she only has two friends, and Mugen is fighting half a country away.

When her father was home he walked her to school each morning, and home again – not only saving her from any pursuit from Gozen, but giving the two of them time to get reacquainted after his time away. They ate their meals together, went shopping together, trained together, read together and messed around the house together.

Mugen _knew_ her – not all of her, certainly – but he knew about her weird little habits, her quirks and oddities. He knew about her nightmares and her slips. He never overstepped, he knew when something made her uncomfortable, knew how to distract her long enough for it to fade – and when he didn't he waited until it passed on his own.

Her father was easy to be around. Raika didn't need to try and figure out if she was acting right around him or behaving as she should. She was never too much or too little. Mugen didn't care. He accepted her.

It was nice.

She missed him.

Raika rolls her eyes at herself and sidesteps around the thought before something mushy emerges from it. That kind of thinking just makes Mugen's missing presence more pronounced.

Instead she sets about making herself some breakfast - only to have the dream that had ripped her back into consciousness not twenty minutes ago roughly push itself into the front of her brain, half way through pouring the milk into her cereal.

The milk carton slips from her suddenly numb fingers, bounces off the counter and falls to the floor, splattering milk across the red tiles -

 _Fingers gripped tight on the steering wheel_

\- Raika shoves the dream away by loudly belting out the first verse of The Wheels on the Bus in between deep, controlled breaths. By the time she gets to the bit about the wipers her head has cleared and the only discomfort she feels is the cold wetness of milk soaking into her socks.

Annoyed that no cats appear to clean up the mess for her, Raika is reminded that she hasn't stumbled into the world of Disney, where singing – admittedly not very good singing – would call a gaggle of woodland creatures to her aid. Raika sighs and digs out a few towels to mop up the mess as best she can, then forces down half a bowl of dry cereal before giving it up as a bad job.

Despite what already feels like a reasonably eventful morning it is still hours before Raika is due to leave for the Academy. She knows she can't return to her room, the lure of a warm, cat covered bed is too strong for her to resist a second time. It's too cold to go for a walk – and much too dark for an almost-six year old to be wondering around alone.

That leaves reading or training or cleaning.

Reading is what Raika always does, and while she isn't quite sick of it yet, it's a close thing. The scroll on chakra enhancement she's currently working her way through is informative, but boring as hell, going into great detail about the benefits and negative effects on re-enforcing the body with chakra – but doesn't tell you how to actually go about doing it.

The training she wants to do involves kicking and punching things over and over, but that will wear her out too much for classes in a few hours. She wants to get stronger, faster - but her body is still too small for proper muscle growth and lacks enough of the hormones to build it. Puberty is a bitch, but it's good for some things.

Chakra training will tire her out just the same, though probably not quite as much – she has been getting more proficient at manipulating her chakra, and each day it comes a little easier, lasts a little longer, grows a little more. Privately she thinks that _maybe_ some time in the not too distant future she might try something a little more interesting than just chakra-glueing random objects to her body.

That leaves the least exciting option: cleaning – and honestly, she doesn't really want to do that either.

As a compromise Raika allows herself a hour of throwing practice, after which she will attempt to spruce the house – starting with the milk that is probably going to make the kitchen tiles a horrible sticky mess.

Plan made Raika changes her socks and adds another few layers of clothing for good measure. Then she heads out to the courtyard, flicking on the outside lights as she goes in an attempt to beat back the early morning gloom. Struggling for a few minutes she manages to drag out one of Mugen's targets and the blunted set of kunai her father had told her that, under no circumstances was she to use unless there was an adult to supervise.

She shrugs the warning off. It's a minor technicality anyway, since she still considers herself to be at least half an adult.

Target set up at one end of the courtyard with Raika standing at the other she drops into a wider stance and grips the handle of the kunai like Seichi-sensei taught them. Visualising the technique in her mind; fingers curled in a hammer grip, the angle of the arm, the motion of the wrist, the force of the throw.

Raika positions herself into a perfect imitation of her teacher and draws her arm back. Two deep breaths. She snaps her arm forward again and lets the knife fly, expectation building in her chest only to drop heavily into her stomach a moment later when the kunai flops lamely to the ground two feet shy of the target.

"Hmm," Raika lets out, frowning at the kunai she'd thrown. She kisses her teeth and snatches up another one, weighing it in her hand for a moment. The first was bound to be bad, she thinks, second time lucky, right?

With that thought at the forefront of her mind Raika draws her arm back again and lets the second kunai go.

….

The allotted time of one hour stretches to two, which Raika fills by angrily throwing kunai – the majority of which dot the outer rings of the target or have missed completely- over and over again, getting more and more frustrated while spewing curses like a drunkard after a heavy night out.

She refuses to give up until she hits the centre, trudging back and forwards to collect her weapons then returning to her spot to loose them all again. After another half an hour of trying, one of her kunai nicks the inner ring, which Raika decides is as good as she is going to get unless she is prepared to stay here all day.

Which she isn't.

So Raika gathers up the kunai for a final time and settles them back into their box – pointedly ignoring the one that has _somehow_ wedged itself into the support beam that runs below the roof tiles. If Mugen asks how it got there she would plaster on her best confused expression and plead ignorance.

Raika picks up the clothes she shucked off during her intense bout of throwing and manhandles the target back into the storage cupboard, grunting with effort, then returning to the kitchen.

The clock on the wall reads seven twenty two.

As predicted the milk Raika spilt over the floor tacks her feet to the tiles and she silently laments the second change in socks she can see in her not too distant future. More washing to add to the already growing pile.

Still, once the floor is properly mopped and left to dry there really isn't enough time for her to do any more cleaning – which is a terrible shame, really – and still get ready for school.

Raika makes her lunch, has a quick wash and returns to her room for new socks and to pick up her bag. The cats, she sees, have not moved from when she was last in here.

"I'll see you guys later," She tells them, balancing to put on her socks since all the places she would normally have perched are filled with furry sleeping bodies. Kin flicks in ear in acknowledgement, the grey tom twitches his tail and Masa yawns with an air of disinterest. "I've put food out in the kitchen for when you decide to get your lazy asses up. Try not to rip up my door again please."

Predictably, they ignore her, dozing peacefully on the covers and probably wishing she would just leave already so they can sleep undisturbed.

Raika decides to do just that and hurries to the door, tugging on her coat and a pair of gloves against the cold. With her rucksack slung over one shoulder Raika steps out of the front door and closes it firmly behind her.

A lungful of cold morning air makes her feel light headed, and she swears she can almost feel the cold and hot battling inside of her. Raika walks the short stone path that leads from the door to the street, idly noting the weeds sneaking up through the cracked stone.

Without Mugen the garden has been mostly left to its own devices. The grass growing almost to ankle height now, bogged down in places by smatterings of snow though most of it is still standing defiantly, waiting for a heavier frost or a determined lawnmower to cut it down.

Both of Raika's thumbs are distinctly _un_ green and always have been, but it looks as if the gardening is going to become her responsibility while Mugen is away. And probably when he's around too, just to give him a bit of extra free time.

With a huff of acceptance tinged with annoyance Raika steps out onto the street, trying to decide if it's worth tackling when she gets home or leaving for the first day of winter break where she can tame the wilderness at her leisure.

The strange prickling sensation across her back, like someone has just run an ice cube down her spine, is the only warning she gets that things aren't Quite Right. The next second someone has grabbed a fistful of her hair, shoving her head forward at the same time her legs are kicked out from beneath her.

Her backpack slips off her shoulder and drops to the ground with a dull thud. Raika follows it down, harder, and hits the ground face first. She lays there, dazed, as familiar mocking laughter erupts around her. Pain slowly blossoms across her face and she stares blankly down at the snow, inches from her face.

 _No. No no no no no_.

Home is supposed to be safe. That is the unspoken rule, they can pick on her everywhere else but at home she is free of them. Why had that changed? Why now?

Raika feels something warm and wet slip down the small stretch is skin that separates her nose and mouth, then tastes copper.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Your dad didn't pick you up from school yesterday," Gozen's voice says conversationally from somewhere above and a little to the left. Raika hears the words, but she is too busy worrying over the little drops of red that are soaking into the snow packed road below her. "He's left again, hasn't he?"

It didn't require an answer.

Mugen _always_ took Raika to and from school when he was off missions, using the twenty minute walk to chat about mundane things that they wouldn't have bothered to talk about if they didn't need the normality of it.

Raika had mistakenly hoped that the two weeks her father had been home to escort her during the school run would be enough for Gozen and his group to grow tired of her. She was out of reach while Mugen was there, surely they would have found someone else to pick on in that time?

Apparently not. Wishful thinking was going to be the death of her – the second death of her, she supposed. The red droplets start falling faster -

 _Lying broken, half in_

-"Can't say I blame him," Gozen continues, his voice moving around her, circling like a shark scenting blood in the water. "Having a stupid cry-baby like you for a daughter."

Part of Raika resents that comment -not because she thinks it's true. She knows her father loves her – but because she has never cried in front of Gozen. Has strictly forbidden herself from doing so because she is a damn adult and he is just a pint sized _dick_.

The rest of her is still watching the blood -

 _The bite of glass and twisted metal around her stomach_

-"Hey! Are you deaf as well as stupid? I said-" Gozen pauses his one sided conversation to squat down beside her, his horrible little fingers tangling in her hair like spider legs so he can jerk her head up to look at him. She sees the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes when they land on the stream of red, now running down over her lips and dripping off her chin. He's never made her bleed before.

 _Good_ , she thinks, and wonders if he's ever been scared of anything in his life.

They stay like that for several long seconds, watching each other.

"Gozen?" One of his friends questions from Raika's other side, snapping the older boy out of his shock.

"I said did you miss me?" Gozen demands, whatever hesitation he felt at the sight of the blood streaming down her face gone in the wake of her silence. His grip on her hair tightens, pulling her scalp painfully. "Don't worry! We've got plenty of time to catch up."

Raika feels the cold start to seep in through her clothes and fear oozes in with it.

Not fear at Gozen, to her surprise. He's just a prepubescent shit stain high off his own power. He didn't scare her, she told herself, she'd seen worse things than him in the world.

What scared her was the intense rage coiling in her stomach, a serpent twisting in her gut and spitting venom. Suddenly she wants to beat the shit out of him. Break bones, rip skin, tear and rend and destroy and _hurt_ him. Spiteful little prick that he is. He deserves worse. Doesn't he know what she's been through already? What is he compared to the cold, dark embra-

e _yes glazed, a haze of pain, limbs twitching_

-It bubbled up inside of her along with the desire to wrench her head out of his hands – no matter how much hair he tears from her scalp in the effort – and spit in his face. The saliva gathering in her mouth as she thinks it, ready.

Raika swallows it down along with the anger. Violence isn't the answer.

Well, it probably is, she admits, just not right at that moment.

She's in a bad position, lying face down on the floor with Gozen and two of his buddies – Hoji and Shigeru if she has to guess – standing around her. There aren't any other people on the street that she knows of, and even if there are Raika thinks they're unlikely to step in and help.

Maybe, _maybe_ she can get off a few shots, purely out of surprise, but nothing that will incapacitate the little cock wombles long enough for her to get away.

It's the same thing she's gone over a hundred times before.

When she decides to try fighting back at Gozen it will have to be in a place with lots of people, where someone will step in before any lasting damage was caused. That is not today, Raika tells herself firmly. Soon, hopefully, but not now.

She'd needs the element of surprise, like Gozen had today. Raika knows she'll only get the one chance. She needs to hurt him enough to prove she is now a threat, no longer easy prey to be picked on and that wasn't true today. She isn't strong enough, not yet.

Which was all well and good but it didn't help her now, still hugging the ground with a steady stream of blood running down the lower half of her face while Gozen shakes her head about like a demented puppeteer.

"Let go," She manages, though to her ears it sounds more like ' _leb gyo'._ Raika wonders briefly if she has broken her nose, but surely it would hurt more? She'd never broken anything _before_ – well not until the very end, where she had probably broken a lot of things-

 _Laboured breaths_

\- "I said, let go." Raika repeats and again it sounds like she has something wadded up in her mouth. Gozen doesn't listen, if anything his grip grows tighter.

"Or what?" He demands with a sneer.

And isn't that a good question?

Luckily Raika is saved from having to try to back up her words with action when an elderly voice calls out, "What's going on over there?"

Raika recognises it as Kojima-sans voice, wavering with age and whistling through the gap where her teeth had once been. At this distance the old woman probably can't even tell that it's Raika lying on the cold floor, her eyesight is that bad.

Gozen releases her and stands up quickly, his foot flicking out to catch her in the ribs as he does so. Raika grunts at the contact but doesn't waste any time in pushing to her hands and knees to get off the cold floor. Blood drips slowly from her nose as she turns her head to confirm that yes, it is Kojima-san, and no, from the elderly woman's place by her garden gate she won't be able to distinguish Raika.

"Nothing, Obaa-san!" Hoji calls out, waving jovially as if he and his friends are just out for a morning walk instead of being complete little ass weasels.

"Shouldn't you be in school by now?" Kojima-san asks, sounding suspicious. She fumbles with the latch of her gate, planning on coming out to confront the little group face-to-face to see what's going on.

Raika really doesn't want that to happen. It's embarrassing enough that she's being bullied in the first place, there's no need to let her elderly neighbour see it happening.

"Yes, we're just helping our friend up!" Hoji continues, still sounding like a well mannered youth instead of the awful nutsack Raika knows him to be.

"She slipped on some ice," Gozen adds, then laughs like it's all an amusing accident. He leans over and grabs Raika around her fairly unimpressive bicep, his short, stubby fingers digging into her flesh. "Come on or we're going to be late!"

He drags her half way to a standing position, and Raika lets him. But as soon as she has her feet under her she twists away from his grip and sidesteps around him.

Gozen yelps in surprise – an amusing sound at any other time- and makes a grab for her again. Raika feels his fingers ghost through her hair, sliding through the tips as she whips forward, itching to get away. But like so many other times before when Raika thinks she's gotten away, his hand closes around the collar of her coat, trapping several strands of hair in the process.

It brings her to an abrupt stop, or would have if she didn't shrug out of her jacket, ripping free of Gozen's grip with a painful twinge at the back of her head.

He gives another shout but she ignores it, stumbling away.

Raika stoops to grab up her bag, misses the strap and promptly decides _fuck it_. It doesn't matter, she just wants to get away.

Sprinting off, leaving Gozen and his friends staring after her, a clump of her hair and her jacket dangling limply from his hand, feels good. It feels like freedom.

But that can't be the end of it, of course. Once Raika makes it to the end of the street, puffing from the effort of breaking into a dead sprint from standing, she chances a look over her shoulder and is dismayed but unsurprised to see the three boys giving chase, her bag and coat left discarded in the middle of the road with Kojima-san hobbling her way over to take a look.

The old woman will probably recognise Raika's things, which is both a blessing and a curse. Trusting Kojima-san to keep her possessions safe is better than the alternative, but it will also mean Raika has to go and collect it later, leaving herself open to an interrogation that will likely put the future Ibiki to shame.

A problem for another time, Raika decides as Gozen, Hoji and Shigeru barrel towards her. She turns on her heel and flees, bolting down a side road that is empty of all life except one optimistic bird, pecking away at the snow dusted ground.

Raika sprints down a second alley, leaping a frozen puddle, then another, then back onto the main street that will lead out of the residential district and into the market place.

It's busy, first thing in the morning.

Raika twists and swerves around civilians, blood streaming down her face where it drips onto her t-shirt, staining it red. She doesn't need to look back to know that the boys are still following – they're bigger and slower, not quite as good at moving in a crowd as she is, but they are determined, and noisy.

The market goers complain loudly as her pursuers crash and bash their way through the busy streets. Shouting follows Raika as she ducks down an alley and bombs it to the end, glancing back to see if she is still being followed.

She is.

With a curse Raika turns and is off again, pressing a gloved hand to her face to try and stop her nose from bleeding. It doesn't work. All she ends up doing is repeatedly punching herself in the face as her arm follows through with the motion of her run.

She lets her hand drop and tries a different tactic.

Tipping her head back to stem the flow of blood turns out to be even worse. Not only does it limit her vision – which is not helpful when trying to run away, especially on icy roads – but it also allows the blood to trickle down the back of her throat.

Raika gags as a blood clot slides into her mouth, warm and slimy against her tonsils. She snaps her head forward and coughs, almost losing her footing. She hacks it up like a cat with a hairball and hocks it to the side of the road, hoping that maybe one of her pursuers will slip on it and go head first into a fence.

Gross, sure, but extremely satisfying.

Unfortunately when Raika next takes a flying look over her shoulder the trio are still hot on her heels, none of them having fallen on her bloody phlegm wad, sadly. Even more disappointing, they are gaining on her.

In a flat sprint Raika knows she is faster than any of her classmates, but her stamina isn't as good, her muscles not as strong. If she keeps trying to out run them she's just going to get tired, and eventually they will catch up.

What Gozen and his friends will do when they wore her down is still a mystery, she doubts even they have thought that far ahead. Clearly they have nothing better to do than chase after her – school included, which Raika theorises had started almost five minutes ago.

Not wanting to give them the chance, Raika switches tactics again and, grabbing a passing street light, throws herself down another side street which will lead back onto the main road, where she plans to try losing them in the crowd again.

She skids only slightly on her landing, then actually slips but manages to turn it into a forward roll from which she comes up running again. Raika squashes down the little wave of annoyance at the fact no one she actually _likes_ was there to see it because damn, that had been cool.

Bursting out of the alley way Raika almost collides with a young woman, who leaps out of the way just in time to avoid having a five year old child smeared across her legs. Raika dodges left at the same time, scrabbled to avoid two men carrying crates of fish and, with a hasty apology to the red haired lady, sprints off again, booking it down an annoyingly less busy street.

Four seconds later there is a resounding crash and a roar of anger that echoes around the confines of the street, turning heads from every stall and doorway. Raika is a little too curious to ignore it completely. She flashes a look over her shoulder and snorts back a laugh, watching for a second as Gozen, Hoji and Shigeru try to untangle themselves from a heap on the floor, surrounded by fish and some very angry merchants.

She might have grinned, if she isn't almost completely sure she will be paying for the incident later. Not that it's her fault – if they hadn't been chasing her in the first place it wouldn't have happened, but Gozen wasn't likely to see it that way.

With that thought in mind Raika decides to put a bit more distance between herself and the boys, just in case they manage to get away from the merchants quicker than expected.

Raika runs down an alley and flips herself over the fence at the end in a feat of agility that would have floored her previous self. She lands in a snow speckled work yard and hurries across, shooting a glance at the businesses closed doors before scrabbling up the opposite fence as quickly as she can. It would be just her luck to get caught sneaking through by the owner and lose her head start.

No one stops her though. In fact no one pays any attention to her as she leaps another fence, crawls under a wire panel and scurries down another alley.

Jogging past two dumpsters and puffing hard, Raika backtracks and wedges herself in between them, wriggling down until she is tucked safely out of sight. She thinks – hopes- that she has moved far enough away from the collision site that Gozen and his friends won't be able to catch up to her.

As far as she knows none of them have any particular skills in tracking and at that thought she frowns, huffing out deep breaths that ghost as little clouds in front of her.

It's a _really_ good thing that none of her classmates are trackers, she thinks, because if one of them had been an Inuzuka they would have found her with no trouble. Raika wipes a hand under her nose which comes away red – she's still bleeding, and has probably left a trail.

Shifting uneasily, Raika debates trying to stop the nosebleed and running again. The very thought of dragging herself out from between the dumpsters and jogging for another ten minutes to throw them off makes her feel weak though. With a gloved hand pinching the bridge of her nose Raika decides it isn't worth it. She's too tired, she doesn't want to run any more – and what are the chances any of them will be able to track such small drops of blood?

Almost zero, considering they are Genin level.

She scoots back and hears a loud crack that almost sends her running from her cover in fear, only to realise it's ice under her feet. Blinking, Raika glances down between her legs and amends that thought. It isn't ice she's standing on, it's glass. It looks as if someone has accidentally smashed an entire window – either that or they have been entirely too enthusiastic with their recycling.

Frowning, Raika nudges a few pieces with her boot then cautiously picks up a shard, it's edge like a razor. The last time she'd seen this much smashed glass had been when -

 _Cold earth against her cheek -_ "One, two, three, four, five, everybody in the club so come on-"

The glass digs into her palm but Raika barely feels it, her mind whirring for something, _anything_ to distract it as mumbled song lyrics tumbling from her lips.

It still wasn't enough. She needed more.

Grasping, Raika thinks about Gozen and his stupid face. She thinks about how when he sneers, his nose scrunches up and his eyes turn into little slits like second eyebrows, just below the normal ones. She thinks about how he can't pronounce is _'s'_ s properly. About how that bruise he gave her before her father came home has only just started to fade. She thinks about the way his hands feel, clawing and grabbing at her hair, pulling and tearing.

Hair, hair, hair. Always the hair. Always just that little bit-

Raika turns the shard of glass carefully in her hands, ignoring the lines of red across her palm and the fleshy first joints of her fingers that are beading blood.

An idea worms it's way into her head.

With a blink she moves her hand away from her nose, sniffs experimentally around the weight of another partially formed blood clot and grabs a handful of hair. Raika brings the glass up and presses the sharpest edge – the side that has sliced her palm – against the taut hair. A few blue strands drop limply over her clenched fist, easily cut.

She pushes harder and more hair falls, severed.

Raika moves the glass back and forth, watching as it works it's way through the lump of hair. Once she has finished with that piece she grabs another handful, hacking away so that short clumps of blue litter her shoulders and chest.

She's too distracted to notice the new person walking purposefully to the mouth of the alley way. Too intent on keeping her thoughts free, her mind occupied, to realise the stranger is walking towards her hiding place, stopping just shy of the gap she has wedged herself into.

Raika is too engrossed to feel the shadow that falls over her.

And that is how the third event that changes her life finds her; crouching between two dumpsters, sawing off chunks of her own hair with a piece of broken glass, quietly mumbling Mambo Number Five under her breath.

* * *

 **Yikes! Hope you guys like the chapter, I actually had a lot of fun writing this one, which is probably not a good thing considering most of it is of my main character getting her ass kicked.**

 **As always please follow/fave/review as you see fit. Until next time, much love.**


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